I Want to Pump You Up!

As always, the opinions in this blog are only those of the author. I'm pretty sure that these opinions will not be shared by this guy.

I don't really know if saying "I like to work out" really does it justice. I would say that I got "serious" about things sometime during my second senior year of college. I was pretty much a fatass a little on the plump side, which didn't help with my blood pressure problems. Fortunately, the combination of a nice gym and a friend who shared my zest for fitness, I was on my way. I really think that since I love sports so much, working out gives me that idea that I'm actually athletic. This idea quickly evaporates any time I set foot on a basketball court.

Now, in no way do I think I'm some sort of expert. I do too many "non healthy things" (does the phrase "I ate $14 dollars worth of Arby's in one sitting" mean anything to you?) that really disqualifies me from giving any sound advice. But I spend enough time at the gym, and have done enough moderately healthy eating/ running/lifting/kickboxing/Zumba (yeah I said it)/workout videos to have a pretty good idea on what not to do when it comes to looking like an Amazon man not being a lardass (at least all of the time). I suppose I will title this "Things I Love, Like, Get Annoyed By, and Absolutely Despise About Fitness." Hope you won't fall asleep while reading enjoy!

I get annoyed by people who have a laundry list of excuses. Now, you could say that most people in general are full of excuses. But oh, when it comes to working out, they are one of a kind:
"I just don't have time!" (24 hours in a day...you really have no time?)
"I need a partner to motivate me."
"I just don't like to get all sweaty."
"Who wants to work out when the world is going to end in 2012 anyway?"
"I'm so busy with (insert thing that you're not THAT busy with anyway here)"
"I'd rather just do an impossible diet where I starve myself and eliminate important nutrients, then gain the weight back and do it again! It's like a cycle of violence!"
"It's (insert president/politician/political party here) fault!"
OK, maybe no one has used the 2012 excuse, but I'm sure they would find some sympathy if they did! I probably should disclose that I hate any type of excuse for pretty much every situation. But still, being active can't be that impossible...right?

I like the idea of having a gym partner. I can't say that I "love" having a gym partner, because I am perfectly content with putting on my headphones, turning up my iPod*, and digging in. But it is nice to have someone to have the occasional conversation with, and to know that you're not the only one struggling pushing through the workout. Also, what if you slip and fall? Won't have to worry about a stranger helping you up. Now, if you knock your partner over? Well, um...

*I may be getting ahead of myself, but shouldn't the iPod be the greatest invention of our/my generation? Do you realize that you can listen to all of your music on these things? Also, want to be anti-social? Just pop in your iPod; we'll all understand! Can I get a "How Stuff Works" episode on the iPod? I can't possibly be the only person that feel this way..

I love running. I know, I know. That's a pretty blanket statement, and I don't know if I could really make running sound as epic/worthwhile as done here. But I've been making myself seriously running since I got some too damn expensive new running shoes in February. Now, it helps to have shoes that feel good. But I also invested in the Nike+ sensor to track my distance and time on my iPod. I've gone over 114 miles in a little under three months, and I (think I) get better and better each time. I'm even planning on doing a 5k next Saturday (I should probably put this in my calendar). Hopefully all this running will actually pay off, and I won't look like a dumbass.

I despise the constant talkers at the gym. I also despise people who are yapping away on their cell phone, but not as much as the constant talkers. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ME; CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BARELY ABLE TO BREATHE...AND I'M NOT EVEN TALKING??!!?? I'm OK for the random conversations, but if I have to stop to talk to about sports/work/other stupid things that don't involve me working out, then I don't want to have that conversation. Is that too much to ask?

I like switching up my workout routine every now and then. Right now, my workout "flavor of the moment" goes a little like this: Push ups, (since April 1, I have done a push up per day, adding a push up for each day---right now I'm at 42) either the Insanity workout or running, then "Jordy Abs" (random ab exercises designed to make me throw up tone the midsection). But I've done some of everything, from staying too long on the elliptical to P90X. I suppose it's good to switch things up from time to time. I mean, that's what they say works for relationships too, right?

I get annoyed by the Health Police. I don't know if these people actually exist. But I like to think that the Health Police are people who:
1. Do one of those lame starvation diets, then spend all their time telling you how they know it will work "because my sister's co-worker's poolboy's cousin did it and lost 30 pounds in four days."
2. Spend time telling you the calorie content of stuff at fast food places/restaurants. (Hey, wanna know why I know a Monster Burger is already unhealthy? BECAUSE IT'S CALLED A MONSTER BURGER!)
3. Find it necessary to point out your unhealthy habits. Examples: "Ugh, it's not smart to eat so late" and "Are you trying to gain weight? Because that's what will happen when you eat peanut butter!!"
4. Read some fitness story off a website and take it as gospel.
We all know these people exist. But, like the IRS, that doesn't mean we have to like them! I just find it extra annoying when these people feel like it's their duty to give you this information too. Just shut up already!

I despise the seasonal fit people. You know them.
My New Year's Resolution is to get fit! Let's get that gym membership!
I'm definitely starting my diet tomorrow! (then gobbles up a Double Down)
Gotta get my body right for the beach!
The main reason I despise these people is because they get in my way at the gym. Now, I don't want to say that you can't have fitness goals. Personally, other than the feeling of athleticism that working out gives me, I know that being fit keeps the man boobs/diabetes/out of control blood pressure out of the way. but if you're only looking to achieve a goal for a specific event/time of season, then what's the motivation to maintain that? Sure, you will likely appreciate the hard work and want to keep working on that, but that's not something to necessarily count on. Do I have a remedy for this sort of thing? Of course not! Did you think this was an advice blog?

So, there you have it. I won't really call this some sort of gospel, but I think that these are all situations that most people are familiar with. I don't feel like any of this stuff is going to change, (sadly) but hey, at least this gives me something to write about!