Dear LeBron

As always, the opinions in this blog are only those of the author. But then again, it's not like I'm going to chase you down or anything if you happen to "borrow" my ideas.

Dear Mr. James,

First of all, I would like to apologize. On behalf of the people at Nike, Sports Illustrated, the countless people who only refer to you as "King James," and people who are even compelled to get a little...sacrilegious , I am sorry. You are not a king. You're a great basketball player. That Nike video? That was your rookie season. You've done some things we've never seen before, so of course that's worth getting excited about. But...we all may have jumped the gun just a little bit.

Is this part of the problem? Yes. The bar has been raised incredibly high for you. And hey, why not? Somebody has to be considered the best. That's one of the beauties of sports. We have to debate something. And for the most part, you have delivered:

-Back to back MVP awards
-Making people justify paying $160 for horrendous looking shoes
-Coming out of nowhere to get to the NBA Finals in 2007.
-Having no regard for human life whenever you feel like it.
-Making countless people feel justified to make the "LeBron is better than Kobe" argument.

Of course, since this is such a "what have you done for me lately?" world, the accolades I listed above are so last season. I'm surprised Keith Olbermann didn't have you down as the "Worst Person In The World." People were scrambling for reasons for your demise. (I know you may not pay attention to the media, but that's what I'm here for!) Charles Barkley was "100% disappointed." John Hollinger was convinced that your elbow is a lot more hurt than you're letting on. Adrian Wojnarowski feels like you don't care enough. My mom feels like you've fallen out of love with your first love (Jesus Christ). OK, so I made the last one up. Still, everyone has an opinion on this. They're convinced that the season is lost, you've disappointed once again, and you're ready to run out of Cleveland (adding to their many years of suffering).

As I'm sure you are aware of, Game 6 is this evening. If you are who we thought you were, isn't this the game that you simply eviscerate the Celtics? If you want to become a global icon, isn't tonight your shining moment? The Celtics should have no chance, right? Drew Carey was on ESPN2 this morning, for crying out loud! I'm sure you realize that the Cleveland bandwagon is...a little empty at this time. We've been treated to an unprecedented level of sports greatness over the past two or three years (Roger Federer, Jimmie Johnson, the Yankees winning again, Drew Brees going bananas at the Super Bowl, etc.). You're ready to add your name to that list, aren't you?

Now, the chances that you actually read this letter are rather slim. And it's not like you actually need some sort of pep talk. But if there was ever a time to justify all the fawning over and hyperbole you've received, then I would have to believe that the time is now. Besides, do you really want to make people in Cleveland count down to when the Browns begin the season?

Sincerely,
Jordy McKever
creator of The Blacktooth Files

I Want to Pump You Up!

As always, the opinions in this blog are only those of the author. I'm pretty sure that these opinions will not be shared by this guy.

I don't really know if saying "I like to work out" really does it justice. I would say that I got "serious" about things sometime during my second senior year of college. I was pretty much a fatass a little on the plump side, which didn't help with my blood pressure problems. Fortunately, the combination of a nice gym and a friend who shared my zest for fitness, I was on my way. I really think that since I love sports so much, working out gives me that idea that I'm actually athletic. This idea quickly evaporates any time I set foot on a basketball court.

Now, in no way do I think I'm some sort of expert. I do too many "non healthy things" (does the phrase "I ate $14 dollars worth of Arby's in one sitting" mean anything to you?) that really disqualifies me from giving any sound advice. But I spend enough time at the gym, and have done enough moderately healthy eating/ running/lifting/kickboxing/Zumba (yeah I said it)/workout videos to have a pretty good idea on what not to do when it comes to looking like an Amazon man not being a lardass (at least all of the time). I suppose I will title this "Things I Love, Like, Get Annoyed By, and Absolutely Despise About Fitness." Hope you won't fall asleep while reading enjoy!

I get annoyed by people who have a laundry list of excuses. Now, you could say that most people in general are full of excuses. But oh, when it comes to working out, they are one of a kind:
"I just don't have time!" (24 hours in a day...you really have no time?)
"I need a partner to motivate me."
"I just don't like to get all sweaty."
"Who wants to work out when the world is going to end in 2012 anyway?"
"I'm so busy with (insert thing that you're not THAT busy with anyway here)"
"I'd rather just do an impossible diet where I starve myself and eliminate important nutrients, then gain the weight back and do it again! It's like a cycle of violence!"
"It's (insert president/politician/political party here) fault!"
OK, maybe no one has used the 2012 excuse, but I'm sure they would find some sympathy if they did! I probably should disclose that I hate any type of excuse for pretty much every situation. But still, being active can't be that impossible...right?

I like the idea of having a gym partner. I can't say that I "love" having a gym partner, because I am perfectly content with putting on my headphones, turning up my iPod*, and digging in. But it is nice to have someone to have the occasional conversation with, and to know that you're not the only one struggling pushing through the workout. Also, what if you slip and fall? Won't have to worry about a stranger helping you up. Now, if you knock your partner over? Well, um...

*I may be getting ahead of myself, but shouldn't the iPod be the greatest invention of our/my generation? Do you realize that you can listen to all of your music on these things? Also, want to be anti-social? Just pop in your iPod; we'll all understand! Can I get a "How Stuff Works" episode on the iPod? I can't possibly be the only person that feel this way..

I love running. I know, I know. That's a pretty blanket statement, and I don't know if I could really make running sound as epic/worthwhile as done here. But I've been making myself seriously running since I got some too damn expensive new running shoes in February. Now, it helps to have shoes that feel good. But I also invested in the Nike+ sensor to track my distance and time on my iPod. I've gone over 114 miles in a little under three months, and I (think I) get better and better each time. I'm even planning on doing a 5k next Saturday (I should probably put this in my calendar). Hopefully all this running will actually pay off, and I won't look like a dumbass.

I despise the constant talkers at the gym. I also despise people who are yapping away on their cell phone, but not as much as the constant talkers. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ME; CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BARELY ABLE TO BREATHE...AND I'M NOT EVEN TALKING??!!?? I'm OK for the random conversations, but if I have to stop to talk to about sports/work/other stupid things that don't involve me working out, then I don't want to have that conversation. Is that too much to ask?

I like switching up my workout routine every now and then. Right now, my workout "flavor of the moment" goes a little like this: Push ups, (since April 1, I have done a push up per day, adding a push up for each day---right now I'm at 42) either the Insanity workout or running, then "Jordy Abs" (random ab exercises designed to make me throw up tone the midsection). But I've done some of everything, from staying too long on the elliptical to P90X. I suppose it's good to switch things up from time to time. I mean, that's what they say works for relationships too, right?

I get annoyed by the Health Police. I don't know if these people actually exist. But I like to think that the Health Police are people who:
1. Do one of those lame starvation diets, then spend all their time telling you how they know it will work "because my sister's co-worker's poolboy's cousin did it and lost 30 pounds in four days."
2. Spend time telling you the calorie content of stuff at fast food places/restaurants. (Hey, wanna know why I know a Monster Burger is already unhealthy? BECAUSE IT'S CALLED A MONSTER BURGER!)
3. Find it necessary to point out your unhealthy habits. Examples: "Ugh, it's not smart to eat so late" and "Are you trying to gain weight? Because that's what will happen when you eat peanut butter!!"
4. Read some fitness story off a website and take it as gospel.
We all know these people exist. But, like the IRS, that doesn't mean we have to like them! I just find it extra annoying when these people feel like it's their duty to give you this information too. Just shut up already!

I despise the seasonal fit people. You know them.
My New Year's Resolution is to get fit! Let's get that gym membership!
I'm definitely starting my diet tomorrow! (then gobbles up a Double Down)
Gotta get my body right for the beach!
The main reason I despise these people is because they get in my way at the gym. Now, I don't want to say that you can't have fitness goals. Personally, other than the feeling of athleticism that working out gives me, I know that being fit keeps the man boobs/diabetes/out of control blood pressure out of the way. but if you're only looking to achieve a goal for a specific event/time of season, then what's the motivation to maintain that? Sure, you will likely appreciate the hard work and want to keep working on that, but that's not something to necessarily count on. Do I have a remedy for this sort of thing? Of course not! Did you think this was an advice blog?

So, there you have it. I won't really call this some sort of gospel, but I think that these are all situations that most people are familiar with. I don't feel like any of this stuff is going to change, (sadly) but hey, at least this gives me something to write about!

My sports study guide.

The opinions in this post are only those of the author. And...maybe Terrell Owens. At least...it should be that way.

Do things look a little different? That's right, TBF is all new! You may be able to smell the fresh paint as you read this blog.
(OK, if you really are smelling fresh paint, your next stop should probably be the emergency room) The black layout is a bit depressing. I couldn't have been the only one with thoughts of suicide after reading my entry about baseball. (And no, that wasn't the goal!) Hopefully the new look will be comforting to you as you read. I'm feeling warm already.

So, I happen to know a lot about sports. I don't say this to gloat; being a sports nerd is not something that you can just stumble upon (Well, technically, you could just stumble on the Internet and find every Super Bowl winner since the first one). The truth is, even though I know a good bit of historical stuff, there's always new stuff to keep me on my toes.

What's that? You want to know what I use to keep up? Sure, I'll tell ya!

If you ever want to know stuff like, "Why in the world would someone ask Dez Byrant if his mother was a prostitute? Or "should Dwyane Wade stay in Miami?" instead of waiting for me to blog about it, (not gonna happen, folks) I figured I could give you some of the sites that I use for keeping fresh with the sports world. I have a feeling you'll be thanking me lady. And, don't worry, I will never lead you to places like this.

ESPN
OK, this one is a little too easy. But how can you pass up a site that refers to itself as The Worldwide Leader in sports? Of course, you can get all your scores and highlights. There's also plenty of sports satire, from The Sports Guy to Tuesday Morning Quarterback (hot during NFL season).
If you're looking to really get your nerd on, you can get premium content by being an Insider (you can even get a magazine subscription out of it!). Of course, I'm not suggesting that you actually pay money; there's plenty of free content to whet your appetite.

Sports Blogs
I don't really consider this to be much of a "sports" blog, especially considering that I wrote about American Idol in great length last year. Anyway, it's nice to see that there are people around who are willing to take athletes/networks/important sports people to task, even if most of the stuff is of TMZ variety. The site I check on a regular basis is The Big Lead, but Sports by Brooks seems to have some legitimate information every now and then as well. Of course, there is also Deadspin, but I'm really not much of a fan. But. It's still a sports blog.

All Things Football
I may or may not be grossly attached to football. Actually, it is a bit sad. But hey, this blog isn't really ABOUT me. Anyway, there are plenty of sites geared to helping you increase your football IQ. If you are particular to college, advanced statistics, or insight into college and NFL, then there's definitely a site for you. While the fun really picks up during football season, it doesn't hurt to stay abreast during the off-season, even if your goal is simply to impress/annoy your friends at the bar.

Obviously, this is a very small sample of what's available on the Internet when it comes to sports. But, if the goal is to actually know what you're talking about instead of sounding like a know it all because you can use phrases like PECTOA and UZR, then you can't go wrong with the sites mentioned above. So, soak it all in and enjoy!