Back, yet annoyed as ever.

As always, the opinions in this column are shared by me. And maybe 17 other people on the planet. Because let's be honest, do we really want a lot of people who think like me? Even I know this isn't a good thing.


(What, too soon?)

So, in trying to find things that stuck out to me the most this year, I realized that there really wasn't much of a theme that I can hang my hat on. I worked a lot, went on a few trips, and probably watched 24,856 football games since September (my proudest moment yet). But if there was a feeling that really defined my year, without a doubt, it's a feeling of being A-N-N-O-Y-E-D. By seemingly everything. I tried to think back to a day where I wasn't annoyed at all....and that resulted in me becoming more annoyed. I just don't remember a time where there were so many things that made me crazy.

As I thought about this some more, I realize that these are probably things that make other people annoyed as well. It's not as if I sit around with an annoyed look on my face all day. It's usually all of a sudden. So, I figured this was something to have a little fun with. This list is not in any particular order. Since it really takes "quite a bit" (that's really a flat-out LIE) to actually annoy me, I'm usually full of rage no matter which item on this list actually happens.


Annoying Jordy in 2009

1. Unfortunate pictures on the Internet
I've dated a photography major, one of my good friends is a photographer, and everyone else around just likes to take a lot of pictures. Throughout this time, I've been able to master the art of taking a good picture. Even if I'm just full of myself right now, I will not deny the fact that I certainly know what a BAD picture looks like. It's really not hard to find one. Just log into your Facebook account. I'm sure someone has 391 pictures of their baby making the same catatonic face. Or the completely unflattering photos of someone who isn't smiling, (instead they're eating, in the middle of a conversation, or doing something that no one actually viewing these photos would really know the context of since they weren't there) or in a bikini when they were better off wearing a trench coat (or staying at home).

But my personal favorite (let's just say that I'm using the word favorite...quite loosely) is the bathroom photo. Even better is the picture in front of your mirror...with your cell phone in the picture (I kid you not--if I had Bill Gates/Arab/Steve Jobs/our national debt/make it rain money---I would make sure everyone I knew on Facebook had a respectable digital camera. Please disregard should I win the lottery). I'm sure the reason someone takes pictures in the bathroom is to make sure they get a good picture, and not so everyone can know the color of the tiles. But here's a thought: If the picture does not come out OK, (no matter the location) YOU CAN TAKE IT AGAIN!! WHO KNEW??!!??!!??!!??

2. ESPN
This may shock some people (namely, my roommate and my girlfriend...not to mention...anyone who reads this blog---all 4.6 of you). But even I cannot handle the monster this thing has become. I consider myself pretty knowledgeable about sports, and my main purpose of watching ESPN is to perhaps catch up on something that I missed (most of my "study material" comes from the Internet now). so you would think that I would love every minute of it. Um, no.

For one, I hate the term "sources." BUT THEY LOVE IT AT ESPN. All you need is a "source." Well, when I was in school, YOU ALWAYS HAD TO NAME YOUR SOURCES. How come ESPN gets away with not telling. Sources close to the situation say that Steve Spurrier is considering forcing Stephen Garcia to grow a fu manchu...What sources?? Did you talk to Mrs. Suprrier? Close to the situation??!!?? Are you buddies with the fly on the wall?

Also, Erik Kuselias stated on his radio show today that ESPN was trying to "help" Tiger Woods. Wait a minute, did you hire Dr. Phil? Are you not just a sports network here to...wait for it...report the story?? Can we not just talk about people who are playing games? Do I need to have Herm Edwards go ballistic over the people Tiger Woods was hanging with? I mean...what are you here for again?



I could also do without the Bottom Line. Just show the scores. Don't scroll an entire story about Bobby Bowden's career. I know I can go on your website for that. Thanks a bunch, I appreciate your time.

3. The Simply Rude Awakening of TMI
I feel relatively comfortable talking about virtually anything. The only subjects I shy from are the ones I don't know a lot about. But there are some things that I'm not going to share. That's OK though, because there are plenty of people willing to share so I won't have to!

People are seemingly willing to share anything. There's a picture I saw on Facebook of a mother showing her child's first #2 in the toilet. Yes, this really happened! From talking about filing for bankruptcy, to nasty sex positions, to sharing unfortunate medical situations...I feel like I've been a part of people's lives more than I should ever be. And I. Never. Actually. Wanted. To. Know. About. Any. Of. This.

4. The Death of the English Language
Even I used the wrong words from time to (all the) time. And I may misspell a word every now and then (too much). But hey, there's always a spell checker somewhere. Try telling that to other people. From not knowing the correct there/their/they're to use, to using words that are completely unnecessary, (I had a customer send in an e-mail wanting to "strategically" set up her Friends & Family list. Are you sure you weren't referring to the military strategy for Afghanistan) people seem to get dumber by the hour. And I'm sure this makes every English teacher out there want to sob uncontrollably. Bill Maher said that he wouldn't "put anything past this stupid country" to possibly select Sarah Palin as president. Oh Bill, just take a scroll of the social networks. We're pretty dumb indeed.

So yes, I only made it to four. And yet, I feel like this isn't quite enough. Guess how that makes me feel.

D.O.T. (Death of Turtle)

Unfortunately, some nicknames stick. There’s His Airness, All Day, Young Hov, Mamba, King James, Obamessiah, even The Big Diesel/Aristotle/Forgiver/Take Your Pick. With all of those names I mentioned, I’m thinking you have an idea of who those people are (and if you don’t, well, hit up Google sometime, it might help). Well, for me it was Turtle. I can’t even say that I wanted this nickname. I think some girl told me it was cute, (after everyone had decided to accept calling me this) so I figured I would roll with it. (Call this a “man’s world” all you want, women have persuasive powers at even an early age. Maybe I’m just weak. Obviously, this is not relevant.)

I think this started in 7th grade. My friend TJ started calling me Turtle. Actually, I think he was actually making fun of me. “You look like a turtle” were his exact words, I believe. I even walked slow, for reasons unknown actually. From there, the name spread to the teacher, then other teachers, then Williams Middle School as a whole. Obviously, this is either right on the money accurate or not true whatsoever. I’m going to go with somewhere in the middle of those. Anyway, this was the birth of Turtle.

Well, Turtle stuck. I went from drawing a turtle on all my schoolwork above my name (my best work ever, seriously) to using it everywhere, in every instance. E-mail addresses, (turtlewuzhere) usernames, (turtledizzle) passwords with some form of ‘turtle,’ even my old Easyjournal blog (Turtle Tells It!)---no person or thing was safe. Girlfriends would give me turtle-related gifts. I even wanted a tattoo of a turtle (a very manly looking tattoo, mind you). My friends would say, “I saw this turtle being run over by a Mack truck, and I thought of you!!!!!!!!!” (Friends. Can’t live without em, eh?) Obviously, this nickname stuck.



Now don’t get me wrong, I played the part. With pleasure, even. I walked slow. Took my time with…everything. (I may or may not still do this) When people would call me Turtle (Or Turtle D/Turtle Dizzle/Turtle Man/simply “T”, I would respond. In my mind, the sky was the limit with this Turtle moniker (today South Carolina, tomorrow THE WORLD!)

Thankfully, I grew up. With college came the promise of a career, and with the promise of a career came this whole idea of marketing myself. Now let’s be honest, who would hire someone with an e-mail address of turtlewuzhere@yahoo.com? (C’mon, not everybody at once!) I got a “legitimate” e-mail address, stopped using ‘turtle’ in every single username/password combination that I had, and got rid of that woeful turtle hat. After all, I’m mesmerized by sports. In sports, everything is fast. Turn your head away from the action, and chances are you’ve missed something important. I eat fast, drink fast, and run fast (well, we have to use fast “very loosely” when it comes to running). Needless to say, my new world of “fast” just didn’t sit well with the old guard (Turtle Universe). Something had to give.

I will admit, I still like to take my time. I would wake up three hours before I had to be at work…and still be in scramble mode to get out of the door in time. Not only do I take my time with things, I make no apologies whatsoever for it. But hey, I never said I was fully reformed from my….relaxed approach to things.

Of course, the old regime of usernames, passwords, screen names and the like had to go…right? No, I’m too lazy for that. Of course, for every jmckever, there was a turtleman(insert number here). For every mckevjo, there was a “sexyturtle” lurking in the distance. And since I never actually said, “I need to give up this turtle madness!” this just kept going for way too long. So! After unsuccessfully trying to access both my student loan and cell phone payments online, I came to the realization that it’s time to pull a Nero and destroy the Turtle Universe. Yes, I am well aware that this should have happened long ago. I also realize that I probably could have prevented all of this by…just not accepting that nickname. But alas, we’re not here to talk about the past. (At least…parts of the past that I don’t want to talk about)



So, it’s been a great ride, Turtle. Unfortunately, you gave me an identity. You even spawned an unsightly hat. I don’t know if this all really needed it’s own column, but hey…that’s what blogs are for.

Three cheers, three boos.

So just in case you were waiting for an update from me in order to keep up with The Delusional Path to 10-2: Your 2009 Gamecocks!...(if this is really what you were doing, then...well I have no idea why you would ever want to do that!) we have arrived at our first true gut check game of the season. We're on the road at the second ranked Alabama Crimson Tide in Tuscaloosa. (Say it with me folks...EGAD!)

(About this being the first true test: Well, it is! While Georgia and Ole Miss were ranked at the time that we played them, but I think it's safe to say that both of those teams were...not what we thought they were! So yes, if there were ever a measuring stick for our Fearless Rooster-like creatures, well HERE WE ARE!)

So I digress.

As I was sitting at work today, my mind was running rampant with thoughts about how we could possibly pull off a big victory (I tend to shy away from using the word upset--aren't all teams "upset" when they lose a game?) Saturday night (7:45 on ESPN, just in case you're still looking to me for all things Carolina football). And in perfect Jordy fashion, I was able to talk myself out of a victory (and into a trip to the woodshed). Now, I do this all the time; occasional delusional behavior in regards to sports is my specialty. But anyway, I figured that this would be a sensational subject to blog about. So...here I am. Three reasons why I think Carolina will make something great happen, followed by three reasons why they. Will. Not.


Three Cheers!
1. I present to you...the Cardiac Cocks!
Let me be the first person to admit that has not been a very pretty season for le Cocks de Game. In five years of the Cock 'n' Sparkle era, I have yet to see a game where you could come away thinking, "Wow, the Gamecocks PUT THEIR STAMP on the game today!" (Often times you could say, "Wow, this is quite the smelly turd sandwich the Cocks laid on the field today!") And yes, while only two of the wins have...ended comfortably, the very valid argument can be made that the competition was much tougher in the games that did not end so comfortably.

But! The difference this year (over...every single year of their existence) is that when the game has been on the line, (before you even start, can we just take the last drive of the Georgia game out of this sample size?) Carolina has made the play(s) to win the game. That is the difference between a middling team and a...dare I say..."good working toward great" football team. If you happen to pay attention to the NFL...I'd like to compare Carolina to the Cincinnati Bengals. Tough (when it needs to be) defense, maligned coach/franchise, highly touted quarterback that hasn't quite delivered...and they are finding ways to win just like Carolina. Now...teams usually end up losing more of these close games than they win...but let's worry about in 2010. Anyway, playing a team like Alabama tends to make the football nerd in me believe that this game could be headed for one of those "very close in crunch time" affairs...which is what these Gamecocks have seemingly learned to pull out.

2. The last time I saw Tuscaloosa...

So OK...this may have been from five years ago, but this is still relevant! And yes, there are no more players on this team who were apart of that victory. But folks, this is what I'd like to call precedent! Carolina made things look ridiculously easy back then. And while...um, there's no real reason to think that this will happen again...you have to think that a good coach will at least remind his players that winning in Tuscaloosa has happened before (paging the Ole Ball Coach...).

3. Carolina. Is. So. Due.
As noted before, the win vs. Ole Miss does not count. Carolina just hasn't really pulled off a win that has proved any sort of 'arrival' since 2002's Outback Bowl (In a sadly related story, your boy started attending Carolina in the fall of 2002. Really, I blame myself. Really, I do.) victory over Ohio State (who...oddly enough...has been to three national championship games, even winning one of them since that bowl game---let me stop before I throw up). Oh, there have been plenty of teases with greatness (a 24-17 'shoulda, coulda, woulda' against an at the time second ranked Auburn, as well as a 'people called me crying' 17-16 low blow against Florida come to mind...both of those were in 2006. Le sigh!). But no real results. Sports Illustrated's theme for their college football preview was teams that could 'shake up the BCS.' Well...take a look at le Cocks de Game, why don't ya? You have:
-Team in a BCS conference
-Rabid fan base
-Impact players on both sides of the ball
-Historically...not quite living up to expectations
-Quarterback coming into his own
-Coach with some experience of...winning
-Chance to make a statement in a game against an 'established contender'
So all of these things are in line. How could this NOT happen?

(Oh you had to ask.)


Three Boos.
1. Alabama is quite good.
Ugh. It's not even close. Alabama has been the most consistent team all year. I just took a gander at their results from the year so far...and, well...it was close for a while against Virginia Tech? (Of course, the Hokies are...number four!) And that game was a double digit win for the Tide! It's been that kind of season for Alabama. Save for the last two games of 2008, and Bama has been more than solid. Also, they have a coach (in Nick Saban) who really knows how to get the best out of his teams at all times.

(On yet another sidebar...how in the hell did we not get Nick Saban to coach the Gamecocks?? Yes, he is a weasel. I will not deny that. But you were looking for a coach who had results everywhere he went...he made MICHIGAN STATE GOOD...why would you not go for Nicky? Oh, what could have been.)

2. Carolina...may not be that good.
Yes, I know I went all 'Cardiac Cocks' on you earlier, but aside from the Florida Atlantic/SCSU games, (where both games were a toss up at the half) Carolina has benefitted BIG TIME from a coaching staff that...did not seem to be in the mood to win the game. For example:
-Last week vs. Kentucky, the Wildcats (wait, this is an actual TEAM NAME? Who knew!) had a fourth down in Carolina territory, down 21-17. Out trots the field goal unit. And...it's a fake!!?? The fake is oh so snuffed out...and Carolina gets the ball back. (But wait, it gets better!) Stephen Garcia throws an interception, and Kentucky has the ball again in Carolina territory. They kick a field goal to come within one. But what if they just kick the field goal instead of doing the fake in the previous drive??? Suddenly, you're up 2, on the road, against a shaky team and an apathetic crowd. (Hello, momentum, nice to see you again!)

WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU NOT KICK A FIELD GOAL THE FIRST TIME!!?? (I'm sorry for sounding like I'm upset with Kentucky for this...OK, I am a little. Can I get a team that's trying to win for once?)

Anyway, this is a supreme example of a team gift-wrapping yet another game to us. With the scoring that took place at the end, Kentucky still wins that game. But...as was the case with Ole Miss (letting Jevan Snead ever throw, ever) and North Carolina State, (actually, I don't know what they were doing) there were games that Carolina did not really win as much as they found a suitcase of cash and decided to just keep it.

Breaking news: That's not going to cut it with Alabama.

3. On the road, in-conference, highly ranked opponent...F-A-I-L
Does the score 56-6 keep you up at night? What about 48-7? 28-16 make you shudder? Well, these were some scores from past road games in conference against highly ranked opponents (Florida, Auburn and LSU respectively). In essence, Carolina has been...como se dice 'Not very good?' in these types of situations. Add the fact that Alabama is playing incredibly well, along with a dash of 'the Alabama coaching staff will put their team in a position to win the game throughout,' (don't sleep on the importance of that) and the 7:45 on ESPN (26 for basic cable in Columbia, 206 if you have DirecTV, 950 if you have that elite HD on Time Warner in Columbia...) time slot has not been very kind... (off the top of my head, and...after looking at the results...le Cocks de Game are 0 for that particular time slot) you have the recipe for your boy drowning his sorrows in lighter fluid. And also question why he even decided to pen this entry. (Or type. Whatever.)

So there you have it. For just as many reasons that the long-awaited statement win can happen...there is enough evidence to make you think that it won't. But hey, I'm delusional! At this rate, Carolina is still on pace for the Sugar Bowl. Or the Liberty Bowl. Go figure!

Delusional Fandom 101

I will go ahead and apologize for a couple of things:
1. I have been completely and utterly lazy when it comes to posting. I think I have had plenty to write about. Just not a lot of motivation for actually putting things down. I know that I only have two official followers, but I'd like to believe that people come and check this thing out from time to time. So I am sorry. I had good intentions, and very poor execution. And I may have stolen that from someone. Who knew?!?

2. If you are not into football, you may want to not read The Blacktooth Files for a while. Nothing really gives me a lot to talk about as much as football will. So please get ready. I plan to kick things off tonight with how I talked myself into a 10 win season for the Gamecocks. No, that's not a typo. You read it right, folks!!! Now obviously, this is all a best-case scenario situation. But still, allow me to take a look at things game-by-game:

-@North Carolina State: You never really know with first games. But allow me to throw the history book at you: the Gamecocks have yet to lose a season debut under Steve Spurrier. As a matter of fact, they have outscored their opponents by a score of 101-29. How about that stat?!? (Now, suspend reality here for a moment---I know that we played the likes of Louisiana-Lafayette and Central Florida. But stats are stats!) I feel like this will bode well. Also, North Carolina State + Thursday night=not a good result! WIN

-@Georgia: Honestly, this is the one I fear the most. Yes, Georgia lost Matthew Stafford and Knoshown Moreno. But Joe Cox is in the same situation that DJ Shockley encountered in 2005--the year Georgia won the SEC championship and ended up in the Sugar Bowl. But! Last time we were in Athens, we won. The past few games between both teams have been extremely close. I think enough balls bounce our way. WIN

-Florida Atlantic: Half of the FU (FAU/FIU) Pu Pu Platter. Home openers usually include enough juice from the home crowd to push the team through. Florida Atlantic has never beaten an SEC team. That may be a lie, but I'm too lazy to look it up. WIN

-Mississippi: Oh, stop it. Ole Miss is really the most overrated team going into this season. Sports Illustrated has them ranked sixth. SIXTH?!? Seriously? I would be OK with that...if there was one highlight of Jevean Snead throwing an accurate pass to a receiver in stride. Haven't seen it yet! Even when Houston Nutt had Darren McFadden and Felix Jones, he never finished in the top ten. Let's just say that I don't like their chances this year. WIN

-South Carolina State: If they lose this game, I would have to start my own riot. That would just be sad. I like the fact that we are playing an in-state team...but let's spice it up a little bit! Why can't we play them in Orangeburg? I feel like that would be more of a worthwhile game. You could guarantee a sellout there, really put on a show, get a nice halftime show from the band...a win-win for everyone. Especially us. WIN

-Kentucky: Do I really think we can start 5-0? Well Mr. Delusional says yes! We haven't lost at home to Kentucky in quite some time, at least not since 2001. So let's chalk another one up for the home team! And find ultra uncharted territory at 5-0. WIN

-@Alabama: I may or may not be running out of steam here. And I also may or may not be doing a fantasy football draft right now. Whatever. Still, while Nick Saban is indeed the Weasel of the South, he sure can build some solid college football teams! This isn't USC @ Alabama back in 1972. Not even close. LOSS

-Vanderbilt: It's revenge all the way here. Wait a minute, are you saying that we've lost two in a row to Vanderbilt?!!? Well, don't say that. As a matter of fact, if that is the first thought that popped up in your head, then you ARE NOT BEING DELUSIONAL RIGHT NOW. And therefore, you may want to seek the advice of people who are paid to talk about football. I think the fair will still be in town. And the Gamecocks do well when the fair is in town. (Please do not fact check me. I beg you!!) All the history is being thrown out of the window. Hello 6-1!!! Nice to see you again! WIN

-@Tennessee: Theme of the year: The Vols suck balls! By this point, Lane Kiffin won't even be able to get a job pumping gas. By the way...seriously, Rocky Top??? You run the coach who brought you a national title, Peyton Manning, an expanded stadium, and the greatest run since Robert Neyland himself out of town. For...Lane Kiffin? Who had never been a coach at any level, was 'on the staff' at USC...which was something that you could say for Ed Orgeron?? (how did that work out, Ole Miss?) Who tanked so badly in Oakland that Al Davis came back from the dead to talk shit about in a press conference?!!? And you want this guy to be your coach?? Stop it. Please. WIN BY 7000+

-@Arkansas: No Tryone Nix. No Darren McFadden. No Felix Jones. Probably no Bobby Petrino. I have a feeling that he will probably take six more jobs by the time this game rolls around. So yes, I like our chances here. WIN

-Florida: Well, I don't think the Gators are going to repeat as national champions. History shows that teams who are voted overwhelmingly number one at the start of the season don't end that way. That, and you may have some guys who will not want to go ALL OUT in order to protect their NFL hopes...and...maybe Tim Tebow will get malaria? Although this is highly unlikely since he is a cyborg. I think this has the possibility of being a close one...a la 2003 in Columbia. But...no cigar. We will be lucky to even SEE a cigar here. LOSS

-Clemson: Could we possibly go 3-1 in our Orange Crush? (Tennessee, Arkansas, Florida, Clemson) Well, it's never happened before. But hey, I've never been this delusional either!! And there's really no excuse for losing to a team who has a head coach by the name of Dabo...two years in a row. Folks...it's Black Magic all over again!!! Hello, Joe Morrison!!! This one's for you! WIN

So there you have it, folks. 10-2, with losses coming to Florida and Alabama. (That could send TBF on the road to the Sugar Bowl!) But let's be serious here, these were two teams who were ranked number one at some point last year. Mr. Delusional thinks we will be legendary, but not damn epic. In less than 1,000 words, I've probably talked you into believing in a 10-2 season too!!!

Just...don't watch this clip. Ever.

My favorite callers.

So my job title really doesn't adequately explain what I actually do. Most of the day, I just listen to people complain, complain, and complain some more. Either they're the president of their company and they can't check their e-mail on their phone, (of course when they call, they're sitting in front of the computer saying, 'I see e-mails here on my desktop, but not on my phone. Which makes me wonder, why does it matter if you're not getting e-mail on your phone if you've been sitting at your computer all day?) or they can't text their lover who's stationed in Afghanistan, or they're 8 months pregnant and they can't muster the energy to take the battery out of the phone. That's just a small sampling.

Anyway, I've gathered a list of my favorite calls from the time I've been there. It seems like I've had the most crazy ones since I've been doing tech/global stuff. I suppose since I've taken a call on just about any question/issue that could possibly happen with a cell phone, (someone called once and said that her phone caught on fire. She happened to leave out the part about actually lighting a match and setting the phone on fire, but who cares about DETAILS, right?) it shouldn't be much of a surprise that I get these crazies on a regular basis. So, here's a sampling of my favorite crazy calls:

You've reached the king of Indonesia. Leave a message!
This wasn't my call, but I had to share it here---a teammate of mine had a guy that insisted that he was having a problem calling the king of Indonesia. They refused to answer the phone when he called because his number showed as private. Now a lot of people don't answer the phone when the number shows as private. Here's the problem with this guy---Indonesia has no king. Well, they haven't had one since the 13th century. And yes, he was serious.

My memory card fell out of my phone.
A guy called last night saying that his memory card ejected itself out of his phone. He was certain that this happened, and the phone was defective. The only problem is that THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE. For his model of phone, (LG enV2) you have to open the flap and push on the card for it to come out. No other way. It's possible for that port to become loose, but someone would have to really tamper with the port. Anyway, not only did he want another phone, he wanted a new memory card. He then said that he's now without those memories (via the pictures saved on the card) that would take 'thousands of dollars to replace.' Woe is him, I suppose. I have an LG phone, and try as I might...I can't make my memory card just come out on its own. Alas, my caller strongly disagreed.

Of course, these are just two. But there are oh so much more. I will update with those periodically. Hopefully you will find my frustration entertaining. Whatever, I find it entertaining too.

The Problem with Dale.

So I may not have disclosed that I follow NASCAR. Quite often, as a matter of fact. I could tell you just as easily who won the Winston Cup back in 1993 (Dale Earnhardt) just as easily as I can tell you who won the World Series back in 1990 (Cincinnati Reds). I even watched the entire Coca Cola 600 back in 2005. I tell you all of this not to gross you out, but to throw up my credentials as I attempt to go on a little rant about some recent developments.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. is undoubtedly one of the most popular drivers in the history of NASCAR. It probably helps that his father (Dale Sr.) was one of the most successful and feared drivers ever. Not only that, his personality seems to fit in with what NASCAR's core fans are all about. (Wearing Wrangler jeans and wearing sunglasses. Maybe that's inaccurate. But whatever.) When I worked at a liquor store, one guy said the only reason he drank Budweiser is because 'Dale's face was on it.' Sounds like effective advertising to me.

What this popularity hasn't given him is actual success on the track. As in, not even close. The closest he really ever got to winning a championship was in 2004. He had just won the EA Sports 500 at Talladega. He had just become the leader in the standings. Then he uttered the phrase, 'It don't mean shit now...' in reference to his dad winning many restrictor-plate races in the past.

The only problem with that statement? He was on live TV. Oops! He was docked some points, ended up costing him the whole thing. Well, that and some bad finishes down the stretch. In the meantime, people around him have blamed everything (crew chief, inferior equipment, his mother-in-law undermining him) for his results.

So at the beginning of last year, that was supposed to change. He signed with Hendrick Motorsports, a team that boasted Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson. Jeff has won multiple championships, Jimmie Johnson has won three in a row. So everything was in place now. Well, not so much. While he did finish 3rd overall, he only won a race once. Not only that, he was not considered a major contender for the championship (I believe that's supposed to matter, correct?)

As it currently stands, Junior sits 19th in the standings. Still not bringing those positive results people have wanted, his crew chief was just fired. Now I'm all for change when necessary, but has anyone raised the idea that maybe Junior just isn't that good? His best average finish has been 12th, which is just enough to get in the Chase, (NASCAR's 'playoffs') but that's not winning. Especially when it seems that everything has been put in front of Junior to succeed. I know that people shouldn't just accept their shortcomings, but I really think that it's time for some of the responsibility to be placed on Junior himself. In other sports, people who have gained widespread popularity are skewered when championships aren't won, or when they aren't showing results that would at least make people realize that you're serious about being a winner.

So, why can't the same be done for Dale Jr?

Bikini Girl got a boob job!

I will briefly apologize for a lack of entries lately. OK, I'm sorry.

So I wanted to do a running diary of the Idol finale, but I didn't bring any materials with me to my viewing location. And I must say, I'm glad I didn't bring anything. I thought the show was a nightmare. A complete slap in the face to the core audience of the show. Let's just run through some of the collaborations they had:

-Lil Rounds + Queen Latifah
-Kris Allen + Keith Urban
-Adam Lambert + KISS
-Allison Iraheta + Cindi Lauper
-Alexis Grace and Anoop Desai + Jason Mraz
-Danny Gokey + Lionel Richie
-The girls + Fergie (later bringing Black Eyed Peas)
-The guys + Rod Stewart

Apparently these were all part of the 'big surprises' that Idol had planned for this finale. I think I better surprise would have been them just taking a crap into a big bowl and giving it to Kris as a trophy. (OK, so at least the winner was a sensible choice. Adam is a great performer, but does he not make your ears bleed? Would you really buy his album? It's nice to take songs you've heard before and make them into something wild and crazy, but how are you going to make people enjoy some insane arrangement of a song we've never heard of? I wonder if America collectively used their brains here to make the right choice. Or...if more people just voted for Kris. Whatever.)

The finale in itself just proved that American Idol could really care less about the people who give the show its juice (the younger people). I mean, all those 'surprise performers' are a nice touch---if this show was being aired on VH1. But no, it's not. KISS??? Really? Did you really want your kids jamming out to Gene Simmons' ultra creepy tongue? Keith Urban? WHAT?? Queen Latifah? I mean, could they have found a relevant, popular artist that appeals to a MASS audience under the age of 45? (Yes, there was Jason Mraz, but check that second part of my question.)

I think in an era where people turn on TV quite quickly, American Idol should be a lot more careful in events like this. So what if nearly 100 million people voted for the final two contestants? There's no law stating that American Idol has to be popular. People's minds change quickly. Obviously, the ratings will probably be high for this sort of thing, but I wonder if it will last if the show keeps FedExing turd sandwiches like this on a regular basis.

But hey, what I do know? Maybe I just think about this too much. After all, I did sit through the entire 2+ hour extravaganza. Even any sort of hatred toward the show is still attention. And everyone loves attention.

You can sleep for me.

I was going to retire for the night, but then I realized that I wanted to complain about work. Or something like it. I've noticed a lot of annoying trends in the two years that I've worked at Verizon Wireless, (OK, it's not so much of a secret where I work anyway) all of them not very necessary. Then again, I think some of them are things that anyone who works at a medium to large sized company would experience. Like:

1.(Absolutely Pointless) Mass E-Mails
I probably get anywhere from 60-100 e-mails per day at work, that number is about 20-50 on the weekends (I could go into an extended rant on working weekends but this is not fmylife.com). MAYBE ten of those e-mails per day are actually relevant. Seriously. Some of them contain actual important stuff (policy changes, how-to information, following up on other customers). The rest can range from a superior who is never around anyway finding it necessary to tell us all that he/she won't be around to someone sending an e-mail to everyone asking if they are having 'any problems with (insert issue and location here).'

Now obviously, this is will sound rather 'holier than thou'--but why would you send an e-mail asking your co-workers if they are having problems with (let's just say text messaging)? WE ARE HERE AT WORK WITH YOU, WE ARE NOT HAVING ANY PROBLEMS AT ALL. These are 'company' e-mails, so would it not be in your best interest to ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE? Really?

(I digress.)

I just think it's much more efficient in most of these situations to actually just ASK SOMEONE AROUND YOU. We all sit (tech/global) in the same area, is it that hard to just ask someone. We even have an IM application that you can use. There's no need to send out an e-mail to everyone asking for a code when you can just get the answer in an instant. Now once again, maybe I'm being a little bitter. Obviously, I don't think I am.

2.Colleagues who are no help
We're supposed to be a team. It's more like a battle royal, every call center/department for itself. Since most of the people in my department can handle any kind of account/call, we're a target. We're the cleanup crew/fallback plan/big brother all rolled up into one. And no, it's not fun. 93 percent of the time, calls that are transferred to us have had little to no prior troubleshooting/important information uncovered by the representative bringing the caller to me. For lack of a better term, they basically greet the customer before actually having us DO THE WORK. Generally, we are available for escalated technical concerns/ordering any global-related equipment or accessories. That's about it. With that 93 percent of people who DON'T ACTUALLY TRY TO FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON. Yes, I'm a little passionate about this.

3.Lack of Sufficient Amounts of Ice Cream
OK, so this is more of a personal preference. And yes, this is just me throwing this in to make three gripes. And yes, I want ice cream all the time, work or no work. Oh well, I make no apologies!!!

Now it's obvious I could just get over these things to try and enjoy work a little more. But then again, my gripes could be lessened if people TRY A LITTLE HARDER. That's not impossible, is it?

Almost.

Finally, I'm going to have to join the party.

I'm currently thisclose to getting my own Twitter. I know, I know, I'm just giving into the machine. And yes, I can let people know what I'm doing via Facebook. Hell, I'm doing enough of that as we speak. But I want to so bad. I don't know what it is. I even got over my initial fears for being 'just like everybody else,' among others:

-Would I really consistently update? I'm going to go with absolutely. I check Facebook about every hour or so. The only reason I don't constantly update my status is because I'm not quite ready to throw my sensational wit around like that. OK, so maybe that's being a bit bold, but I was running out of real reason here.

-Why does it have to be called 'tweeting?' All I can think of is the singer Tweet dancing around touching herself when I hear the word 'tweet.' So maybe this was just a personal gripe when I was 'rebelling against the establishment.' It's almost as valid a reason to not be on Twitter as saying, "I'm not going to vote for Barack HUSSEIN Obama EVER!!!!" (Yeah, don't think that idea worked out quite well, now did it?)

-I don't have a good picture. Once again, petty excuse. A similar excuse is "But I don't like any of my gym clothes, which is why I don't work out." (I've never heard anyone say this, by the way. It just sounds like something one would say.) Anyway, I have this sparkling new webcam to take care of that.

-I told people I would NEVER, EVER get a Twitter page. OK, so maybe I only told two people that. And I'm sure it wasn't in that exact quote. Even if it was, we were born to lie. Or, change our minds at least.

So there you have it. I just spent a good twenty minutes telling you why I'm now going against my my original stance for something that hasn't even happened yet. Sounds a whole lot like the 5674 mock NFL drafts you see floating around the place.

Idol on the Mind
Thanks a lot, Lil Rounds, for giving us all that turd sandwich of a performance last night. I suppose this is exactly what I get for trying to have someone's back when they don't even know me. Or when they may not have been that good to begin with. Of course, we're still on course for an Adam vs. Allison showdown that will shake the earth to its core.

No Regard For Human Life!
Yes, I'm absolutely excited about the start of the NBA Playoffs. There was a debate on ESPN76 the other day over the question of whether or not the NBA Playoffs are better than the NCAA basketball tournament. I'm not sure what side of the argument you may be on, but there is really no comparison here. We are comparing COLLEGE to PROFESSIONAL here. Amateurs to people who get paid for it.

The main draw of March Madness is not the Cinderella story, or the crazy finishes. It's the money. Why do you think CBS is paying the NCAA bailout-like money to broadcast the tournament? Why do you think they give you so many ways to print out a bracket? Do the words 'office pool' have any significance to you? Are you really going to remember how you did in your bracket this year when next year rolls around? (Do not answer that question if you are the author of this blog) Cinderella? Do you even remember that Davidson was in the Elite Eight last year, or that George Mason was in the Final Four in 2006? Of course not. (If you do remember that, then good for you! Smartass.) Don't give me the "well they care more in college" argument either. Well, I'd care if I had a chance to be a champion too!!!

As for the NBA Playoffs, there are moments that stick out with you. It's much easier to try and get to know the teams and the players, because there's not such a large chance that players will not be there next year. (Happens quite a bit in college with the insane NBA one year rule) It's actually a journey. A minimum of 16 games to become the best. A maximum of 28. An unquestioned winner at the end. And alcohol being sprayed all over everyone. I can't say I've seen that last statement happen for the NCAA tournament just yet. Well, at least legally. And of course, there are moments like this:



Look, I'm not saying I don't like the NCAA tournament. I get stuck on it just like everyone else. I'm just saying that it's quite unfair to compare it to the NBA Playoffs.

Isn't that clip just awesome? Keep watching it, I don't mind!

Melt my heart to stone.

So my roommate's sister was over for dinner tonight, and she complained (mildly) about how the majority of her friends have given unfavorable criticism over her deciding to join the Air Force next month. The consensus was that she was making a huge mistake, and she was 'throwing her life away.'

Oh, to be 19 again!

Anyway, I really sympathized with her. Now, I don't have much experience in this arena. I have not decided (nor will I ever, as far as I'm concerned) to serve my country in any capacity other than paying taxes. But if I had ever made that decision, I would hope that my friends would have been at least somewhat supportive. I think it's a very honorable sacrifice a person makes when they decide to serve their country. I did not think the wars in Iraq/Afghanistan were the best idea, but I've always been appreciative of the job the soldiers who have served in those wars have done. (And any wars/aid/patrol before that)


(Now I've never really gone along with the 'they are protecting our freedom' reasoning. I must say, there's never really been a moment in my life where my freedom as an American has been compromised. Yes, I've felt pretty comfortable here. Not really worried about the government or military being overthrown any time soon, 24 be damned.)

Before I actually gained enough sense to have opinions that made sense, I saw the military as a last resort. The sort of thing someone does when they didn't want to do/weren't able to adapt to college. Or something that you did because it was a family tradition. So my opinion of people I knew who decided to go to the military was, 'Wow, that sucks for them.' But now I know better. It takes a lot to potentially pick up your life, most likely leave all your family and friends behind, only for something that could potentially cost you your life. That takes a lot of courage.

So what does this really mean? Obviously, my roommate's sister needs some new friends.

Idol on the mind
I find it fitting that even with one less performer, and with only two judges critiquing after each song, the show STILL RAN OUT OF TIME. Do the judges not realize that they are not the draw of the show? I know they have a strong influence...but they always say too much at throughout the show...only for the show to end abruptly and disjointed. Might be something we want to work on, producers.

Finally, the blind guy is gone.

A Very Loose Take on My Daily Activity


Hot or Not, April 2009
Hot
-Bailouts
-Working for AIG
-Being the president of the United States in Europe and not have the name 'George Bush'
-A new baseball season
-The Adam/Allison duo on American Idol. No homo.
-Getting closer to pool/beach time
-Season 7 of 24. Has anyone noticed that they haven't eaten AT ALL in about 7 years?
-Car manufacturers wanting to pay your car payment.
-The imminent NBA Playoff season.

Not
-Paula Abdul on American Idol. I could have said that since 2002, really.
-Me filling out NCAA brackets. I may mention this from time to time.
-The Braves' bullpen.
-Not paying attention while driving.
-Pollen
-Anyone not named Adam/Allison on American Idol. Just pack it up, folks.
-Michigan State in the championship game. Ye gods.
-Lindsay Lohan back on the market

Ice Cold
-Samantha Ronson on the market. She's like 58 years old? Seriously?

PC Mover is a fraud!!!

It's Tuesday night. Which means American Idol was ready to take over the TV. Tonight's episode got me fired up.

(I must forewarn you first by letting you know that I really only have a vested interest in two contestants: Adam and Allison. If they are not the final two contestants for this season, then I will not care. That would seriously just make the show second rate. They are on an entirely different level (with Adam markedly ahead of Allison at this point--I'm crowning him right now. Mark it down, you read it here first.) than the other remaining six people. I don't even know all their names, simply because they do not matter at this point.)

I never thought that I would go down this road, but I have to stick up for Lil Rounds (This is the great next rapper name waiting to happen. And can you believe that this is her REAL NAME? Maybe her family knew she was destined to drop bars while Lil was in the womb. To hell with American Idol, Lil...get with Lil Wayne and form a Lil Dynasty.). She's come out week after week and done a very respectable job no matter what week they've had. Yet time and time again, the judges find a way to rip her a new asshole. If it's not the song selection, (and if you give the people the option of choosing whatever song they'd like, could you please drop the whole 'that just wasn't the right song for you' critique? If you don't like the choice of song, why don't you just choose the songs for them? Can we not just take the performance itself and judge THAT?) it's imploring Lil to take a song and make it 'her own.' Such was the case tonight. She did a pretty impressive job on Tina Turner's 'What's Love Got To Do With It.' Yet again, the judges slaughtered her for it. Blatantly at that. I really don't know why.

(On the flip side, Allison did a song by Bonnie Raitt that wasn't anything spectacular, same arrangement and all. But the judges felt that she was great. Maybe it's because she's 16 and awesome. But, whatever.)

I can't help but wonder why someone who has been so consistent (in a positive way nonetheless) all season has been brutally victimized for being consistent. Have they noticed that it's rather difficult to take someone else's song and make it your own? The only person who has routinely be able to do that sort of thing is Adam. Do they know something that we don't? Does she go to karaoke with the entire crew and just blow everyone out of the water? Is she some secret producer who can arrange any and every song to exactly her liking?

Or...are they placing an indirect level of pressure on Lil because she's a black female? There have been past black females who were very strong contenders. There was Jennifer Hudson (recording artist, Oscar winner) and Fantasia (winner of the show) both had a powerful presence on the show when they were there. Melinda Doolittle was most likely the best overall singer from a past season. Is that what they (the judges) expect from Lil also? Maybe they think it's some star within because she has the immortal 'Lil' name? Do the judges feel like they have to be consistent about something, in order to restore some false sense of credibility to the competition? (Because, there is so much credibility that this show has to offer.) Either way, I think it's extremely unfair. I hope that Lil finds a way to make it to the Top 5, just to make the judges suck it. Big time.

I Used To Dance With My Daddy
-The Braves are back! Two stellar pitching performances in a row---against the defending champions---in Philadelphia at a hitter's park. Yeah, I would call that 'being back.'

-Michael Jordan says he thinks he can still play at 45. You know where he'd be a good fit? The Clippers!! I mean, it's not like they've done much of anything that's made sense lately.

-If you're a quarterback who struggled mightily against the South Carolina Gamecocks, should a team really be considering drafting you number 1 overall, especially when that team didn't win a game last year? I mean, that can't make sense, right? Right????

It's winning time.

(I'm not a bracketologist. Know this, and mark it down.)

So I suppose it's only fitting that I had North Carolina losing the championship game in my disaster of a bracket. Of course they showed me how much of an idiot I was by whipping Michigan State in the championship game. So, congratulations Tar Heels. If anything, I can tell people that I went to Carolina...and they might think I'm talking about North Carolina. It would be a like, but whatever.

So, what about e-mails?
So one aspect of my job description involves me dealing with cell phone data services. Unfortunately, one data service is e-mail on your phone. Whether it be a Blackberry or an enV (there's an application called Mobile Email that can push e-mail to your phone, kind of like a Blackberry). The word e-mail makes me angry now. Apparently, that's all people care about now.

I'm not getting any e-mail. I need my e-mail.
I'm going on a cruise. Am I going to have e-mail access?
I'm taking a trip to Cuba. Just want to make sure I have e-mail coverage there.
I ABSOLUTELY NEED MY E-MAIL.
I've missed important e-mails today.
I'm going to light myself on fire if I don't get all my e-mails right now.

But my question is this: Is it REALLY that important that you have access to your e-mail on your cell phone? Are you really missing out on something that you can just as well look up on your computer? Really? More importantly, who the hell sends e-mail anymore? I don't count reader/viewer e-mail, or work communication. Let's say you're not sending an editorial comment or communicating with people at work. Who are you e-mailing? And most of the people I assist are not really sending much of anything. Rarely do I get the person who is hot and bothered about not being able to send e-mails. Most of the people I'm around find the instant access to e-mail more of an annoyance than a necessity. And not only that, if you lived and died by having your e-mail all the time, are you really depending on a cell phone to get those e-mails?

OK. I have to stop saying 'e-mail,' or I will set myself on fire. I might even be serious.

So Bristol Palin isn't quite on her way to having that wholesome marriage after all. Lee Johnston, her baby daddy, is on the talk show circuit talking about how he's never able to really spend time with his child. He even told Tyra Banks (which is kind of like me going to complain about how much I hate my job to my niece) that they had protected sex 'most of the time.' Well, I suppose he now knows the importance of proper protection every time.

(But seriously, you went on TYRA?? Was she REALLY the only person willing to take you on? Was Larry King not available? And you needed to go on a talk show because of what exactly? Are you trying to put yourself back on the market now? And since when did Tyra Banks become a reputable place to give out your side of the story? Oh, that's right...it's NEVER HAPPENED.)

Wow! Two entries in a week! I may be onto something here.

The transistion.

So I joined the world of Mobile Professionals by getting a laptop. Which (seemingly) means that I'll be able to update more. (Of course, if this PC Mover application ever finishes, maybe I'll actually be 'mobile.') But let's just say that a lack of mobility wasn't really holding me back from posting regularly anyway. Hard to believe it's been well over a month since I last updated. I didn't even get to sweep people up in March Madness! (I burned my bracket after Day 2, thanks for asking.)

With the Garnet and Black (for that other USC/Carolina school) game coming next week, that brings college football season even closer. And yes, I'm well aware that the actual season does not start until September. But that gives me plenty of time to voice my lack of confidence in the direction of the Gamecock football program in general. Let's call this my Rush Limbaugh 'I hope he fails!' moment.

Steve Spurrier was hired in November 2004 as yet another attempt to make South Carolina football relevant again. (Never mind that somebody found the thing relevant anyway, how can a school routinely sell out an 80,250 seat stadium and not be relevant?) Granted, the team had run into yet another maddening cycle of being just good enough to make you want to set yourself on fire. After a total of 17 wins in 2001 and 2002, the team went 5-7 in 2003 and 6-5 in 2004. Not only that, the 2004 season ended with that 'can we not talk about that?' fight with Clemson in the final game of that year (which sadly kept us out of the Aldi Bowl that season). Lou Holtz had seemingly worn out his welcome, and a string of minor violations had finally caught up with the coach who had given the Gamecocks the highest level of success in about two decades. So yes, you have a very good argument for there needing to be a change.

But was The Ole Ball Coach really the way to go? Here's a guy who had won over 100 games during his time at Florida, and taken the Gators from fairly irrelevant (with ugly orange uniforms to match the helmets) to six SEC championships and one national championship. But then, he decided to leave and take a shot at coaching in the NFL. Let's just say that didn't work out so well. He spent 3 years there, doing no better than 7-9 for his first season. Now don't be alarmed, but being a coach in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE (courtesy Ron Jaworski) is quite different than coaching college football. I won't dispute that. So one could say that Papa Steve just wasn't cut out to be an NFL coach. But you could sense a rather...lackadaisical attitude starting to set in. Either way, with the history of the Gamecock football program, maybe a more logical plan would have been to give an opportunity to a coach who did not have such a legendary past instead of someone who obviously was only looking to make himself look good. If he won, this would be just another nugget for how great Spurrier was/is. (I mean, he did win the ACC title at Duke. DUKE.) If he didn't win, then there's the 'well no one can win at South Carolina!' excuse. A no lose situation for the coach. A no win situation for the program. Not really what you want to have.

Obviously, I'm not the one making the decisions here. So, off we went with promises of SEC titles and entering that grand stage of being a 'relevant' football program. At his first public appearance, (which happened to be the same day the SEC Championship took place) he spoke of how his goal was to one day have the Gamecocks playing in Atlanta for the SEC Championship. There was a lot of positive energy created, and most people were certain that once Spurrier was able to get his kind of players in, we would be on our way.

2005
The first real play of the season was that nice slice of pie that was able to whet the appetite just enough. It was a long pass from Blake Mitchell to Noah Whiteside for a 5 million yard touchdown. (OK, maybe it was actually only about 60 yards. But whatever.) I feel like that play alone was the one highlight of the Steve Spurrier Era. It hasn't gotten any better than that. Seriously. While the year itself had its share of highs, (beating Tennessee and Florida, being ranked near the end of the year, first bowl game in three years) there were some signs (getting destroyed by Auburn, blowing a 20+ point lead to Missouri in the Independence Bowl) that we had a long way to go. There were a couple of things to build on. The problem, of course, was actually building on that.

2006
Things didn't look so hot from the start. The starting quarterback (Blake Mitchell) did everything he could to NOT hold on to the starting job. There was the Georgia game where we didn't score at all. But even with a QB that he wasn't quite comfortable with, Papa Steve found a way to make things work. The offense seemed to make just enough plays to get the job done, which was generally the same on the defensive side. Of course, there were the moments that made you want to set yourself on fire (TWO BLOCKED FIELD GOALS AND A BLOCKED EXTRA POINT against Florida come to mind. We lost that game 17-16. I'm gargling lighter fluid as we speak.) In terms of contending for the SEC title, we were still in the middle of the pack. There was the memorable win against Clemson, as well as the emphatic win over Houston in the Liberty Bowl. At last, momentum. Who knew?

2007
At the end of Papa Steve's second year, he was given a contract extension. Not only that, he was given a raise. Mind you, the record during the first 2 years was 14-10. You get a raise for THAT? I argued with a co-worker once that Papa Steve pretty much got a raise for just showing up, and that we were really no better than we were before he arrived. Yes, we had been to two bowl games. But neither bowl was any more impressive than the two Dr. Lou took the Gamecocks to in 2001/2002. I just felt that giving a raise for mediocrity set us up for disaster. Unfortunately, I was able to supplement my argument with the 2007 season. We started off with a bang, even winning at Georgia, to start 6-1. We were ranked #6 in the BCS, and all signs pointed to (if we won out) playing for a national championship in New Orleans.

Let's just say that we just missed out on that opportunity. We lost five straight games, including allowing 99 points over two games to Arkansas and Florida. We also launched the Heisman campaigns for Darren McFadden and Tim Tebow. (No need to thank us, guys. We know you appreciate it.) We finished 6-6, no bowl, lots of embarrassment.

While the losses were hard enough, it was the reaction that seemed the most puzzling. At the beginning of the season, Papa Steve was certain that we were ready to contend for the division title. That got everybody around here absolutely PUMPED. Well, after losses, there was always the excuse of, 'Maybe we're not good enough' or 'We just don't have what it takes to win.' I don't know about you, but that's not what I want to be hearing from the guy I just gave a raise to. Where's the accountability? Why aren't you more angry that we're not contending? What will it take for you to pretend that you care? You're in college football, the players are the same ages, they have the same kind of lives. How are we consistently getting beat the same ways? What are you doing to make us better?

2008
With this past season, I got the answer to my last question. That answer was not much at all. Sure, we won more games than we lost, we beat Tennessee, lost a close game to Georgia, blah blah blah. BUT. There was the not so spectacular finish. A 56-6 loss to Florida. A 31-10 loss to Iowa in the Outback Bowl. More pathetic reasoning and excuses. Not contending for the five thousandth straight year. How's the raise working out now?

An even more troubling sign is the fact that the Gamecocks have not been good on offense. At all. Mind you, this was the thing that Papa Steve is known for. Protecting the quarterback is something that DOES NOT HAPPEN HERE. We haven't had an offense that's ranked in the top half of national statistics in any category. Well, unless there's a category for Stupidity. We'd probably be number 7 there. Something like that.

We're about to enter Year Five of the Steve Spurrier Era. And no, I don't feel any better about the direction we're headed than what I felt back in 2004. My friends, that's not a good thing! And yes, this is one man's opinion. And yes, I was never really a fan of Papa Steve ever. I also may be a little jilted because every time I've taken a day off for watching the Gamecocks, they've lost. So that could make me a little bitter. But, it would be much easier to not be so critical if it seemed like the man cared. Seriously. I must say that we have to be better this year, or it will be time to look in another direction. After five years on the job, it's time to be on the move. Yes, I understand that Florida is the defending national champion, and they are in our division. But shouldn't we be just as good as everybody else? How are we not on the same level as Georgia or Alabama? We have the same playing field. There's no other way to slice it. The end. If there's anyone that thinks otherwise, you're kidding yourself. Seriously.

So if you're now depressed about the state of Gamecock football, then I somewhat apologize. Now you're just like me.

I'm the last naked warrior!!!

Say what you want about T.O., but clearly (and I mean clearly) he is NOT Charles Haley.

(Someone who loves me made this happen) I got Boys Will Be Boys: The Glory Days and Party Nights of the Dallas Cowboys Dynasty by Jeff Pearlman over the weekend. When the Cowboys were running roughshod through the NFL in the nineties, I was basically a casual sports fan. I had some sort of idea of what was going on, but not enough to really know more than the major players on the popular teams. Suffice to say, even if I was an avid follower of anything at that point, I had no idea the Cowboys got down like THAT. It's such an engaging and hard to put down book. I reccomend it for anyone who pretends to know football. Then you will know what my title is about.

In Other News...
-So Chris Brown says he's sorry and is seeking counseling for his assault incident 2 weeks ago. So are we supposed to just think it's all OK now that he's 'getting help?' I can't imagine that this was the first time he's had an 'explosion' with Rhianna. In abusive relationships, Most bouts of abuse were escalated incidents where he more than likely did other things before. So many celebrities either go to rehab or get counseling when their bad behavior is made public. I think it's all bullshit. I feel like they're only trying to make amends because they 'got caught.' Then again, that pretty much makes them like all of us.

-I have become ridiculously addicted to Guitar Hero. More on that later. As in, in an entirely separate entry. Yes, it's that deep.

-So Michael Phelps is not going to be charged with anything for the infamous photo that surfaced a couple of weeks ago. What kills me about this story is that allegedly, the renters of the house where the party took place said that they weren't at the party. Really. You live at the house where MICHAEL PHELPS IS COMING OVER TO PARTY, and you're not there. Really. Or, whatever.

Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre

Somewhere, John Madden is crying. While eating a Bloomin Onion and spraying Tinactin everywhere.

So once again, Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre (people get so wrapped up in him, I feel like you can't say his name without actually saying it three times. I'm going to make this easier for me by calling is retiring from football. For one, this gives sportscasters something else to talk about besides the steroid 'scandal' with A-Roid/Rod. Of course, it would help if people actually believed that Favre (x3) is actually gone this time. We all remember his tearful goodbye press conference last year. The SI cover is still on my wall. Then he decided to pull a pump fake on us and come back. Maybe this time, he's actually done for good. Who knows?

I find it way too ironic that I was playing Madden 09 last night with Brett (x3) and the Jets. It was pretty much the best and worst of Brett (x3). My first play from scrimmage was a 20 yard post route that turned into a 70 yard touchdown. My next pass was a 15 yard in route that turned into a (near) touchdown, only for Jericho Crotchery to fumble as he's crossingthe goal line. Then, the 2008 Brett (x3) showed up. I had a TAINT (which is an interception returned for a touchdown---it was run back from the end zone, mind you), five other interceptions, and two fumbles. In other words, typical. Throughout his career, Brett gave, and seemingly seemed to take away soon thereafter. I mean, does it really make sense that a quarterback can set the all-time mark for touchdown passes and interceptions??? Of course, there were things he did well. He did win NFL MVP three times, becoming the first player to do so. He also led the Packers from irrelevant to Super Bowl champions (even going back to the Super Bowl the next year). So this was not just some scrub we're talking about here. Even if he played like one from time to time.

Oh well, it was quite the ride, Brett (x3). Of course, the Jets really have no proven options at quarterback. I think I read on ESPN that New York intends to draft Mark Sanchez (can you really have confidence in a guy whose own coach does not think he's ready?) in the first round. They spent a lot of money on veterans who seemed to tire at the end of the season. They have a new coach who looks to be full of energy, and may not like the team he's given. Oh well...they're opening a new stadium!!!

...In 2010.

I Want This To Be Great.

Finally...I have come back to the world of blogging.

For the one (me) person that has kept up with my blogging over the years, I never really had a purpose back then. I wanted to just have an outlet to write about things that were near and dear to me. I'd pretty much just end up telling too much about my personal life. That never really creates allies, so I've noticed.

Anyway, my mind is still full of nonsense. Like, why would M.I.A. dress up like a ladybug to perform at the Grammy's last night? And, how come (more than likely) 60 percent of people who have cell phones have never turned them off? Or, if Julius Peppers really wanted to play for a winner, what's so bad about that his current employer...who just so happened to go 12-4 and win the NFC South? I may or may not turn this into a long list of questions. Let's go with the former!

-Why are people really so up in arms about Alex Rodriguez using steroids? Don't we call the mid to late 90s through...right now the Steroid Era in baseball?
-Am I going to get a rebate check this year?
-Do people still care about the NHL?
-Are there other black people who are actually entertained by NASCAR?
-Did Chris Brown beat up Rhianna because she made fun of his dancing?
-(Should I really be so shocked to know that my spell checker considers 'Rhianna' spelled correctly?)
-If you're going to an exotic island for a vacation, why do you 'need' to get your e-mail at all times exactly?
-If your e-mail address is 'iluvmyboocuzhedo69right@hotmail.com,' are you really fooling anyone by saying that's your 'business' address? (Unless your business is adult related---whatever. Even those e-mail addresses would be legit.)
-What if that's actually someone's e-mail address?
-Did Phoenix, Dallas, Detroit, Toronto and Philadelphia really think about...hmmm, I dunno...winning basketball games with the moves they've made?
-Why does Steve Spurrier have a job exactly?
-If I say, 'Call (insert number here)' from your cell phone, should you have to respond with, "Do I need to press 'Send?'?"

So it's with a lot of excitement that I introduce The Blacktooth Files. Of course, the name comes from a guy who I was helping over the phone at work who said his Blacktooth wasn't working. He may or may not have meant 'Bluetooth.' And no, I really don't know what he actually meant. I do want this to be great. Even if it's just a great big turd sandwich that will make you feel better about yourself. Um...that's...at least something great. Right??

Of course, I'm not going to answer all these questions. (We may be onto something if I answer THREE OF THEM.) But I'm hoping that I'll make some things happen. Even if it's just a bunch of loose rambling. Then again, that's pretty much how I do things. I want to try and update every night. Apparently that can be done from my cell phone as well. We sure shall put that claim to the test.