Taking a break from my "Free Lindsay Lohan" blog strike

The opinions in this blog are solely those of the owner. But then again, at least my posts won't get pulled by my employer.


OK, to say I've been M.I.A. would be an understatement. To make a long story short, blogging doesn't pay the bills. My days usually consist of wasting time on the Internet, then rushing out of the house to get in a workout before work. So I haven't had time to really write anything worthwhile. Not that any of my writing is worthwhile to begin with. Anyway, consider this my apology. Now, let me catch up on some things mentioned in earlier posts:

-Back in March, I talked about my grand plan to go to a baseball game on every level. Well, I'm down to my last level (AA). I ended up missing out on high school altogether, but I hope to get an American Legion game (they use high school players) before that season ends. Knowing my luck, that's already happened.

Oh well, the point is that once I've gone to those games, I'll do a post. This won't be a recap of every game, (because that would be fucking boring I don't really remember those specifics) but I will have stuff like "best promotion" and "lamest crowd." So, be on the lookout for that.


-Also, I realized a few weeks ago that I've been watching sports for about 20 years now. While this really just makes me an asset during Trivia Night, I've never really thought, "Which moments stood out the most?" Well, in a well thought out effort to blatantly rip off ESPN I'll be doing something I will call "20 for 20." There will be 20 different post; each one will be one of the 20 most important sporting moments of my time as a sports nutso smartypants fanatic. If you're asking, "What are some of these moments?" well...uh, I don't really know them all yet. But I will. Soon. Let's just say that Michael Jordan will likely be prominently involved.

-Finally, I just want to say thanks to my readers. I know that I don't post much, and when I do post, I talk too much I tend to get long winded. But I do try to bring something to the table, and I appreciate you all for taking the time to see what that something is. I have more ideas about other things that I want to do with The Blacktooth Files, so I hope you'll decide to stick around for it.

Attack of the vuvuzelas! Holland vs. Spain, 2nd half`

In case you missed it, here's a recap of the first half.


3:32 pm: Ye gods, we are back in a flash! Soccer seemingly waits for no one.

3:34 pm: So for now, the storm has passed. Which means that we can watch on the big TV. If anything made up my mind to stick with cable, this was it.

3:37 pm: I would have first half analysis, but then I would have to know how soccer actually works.

3:40 pm: By the way, here are my thoughts on the LeBacle.

3:43 pm: I'm all for defense and what have you, but can somebody please score?

3:46 pm: By the way, this game is also available in 3D, on your phone, and on ESPN Radio. Shout out to the crazy guy who paid for a 3DTV knowing that you will only get three channels!

3:49 pm: Best chance to score for the match---and it was missed. Stay of the drugs, Holland!

3:54 pm: Soccer is the beautiful game, alright. The slow mo replays of these guys flopping are certainly things of beauty.

3:57 pm: Shout out to the black Dutch player! He even has a mohawk. Double win!

4:00 pm: One must wonder: Who is actually blowing the vuvuzelas?

4:06 pm: Blogging while boozing: Not for the pansies! Just in case...you were thinking about doing this and all.

4:10 pm: Meanwhile, people in Cleveland are crying right now.

4:13 pm: Univision effectively using the three man booth as well. How about that?!!?

4:17 pm: Looks like we'll be getting some extra time here, folks. Maybe I should put the beer(s) away.

4:21 pm: And I was RIGHT. Overtime, it is! I will explain the rules: Two 15 minute halves. If we're still tied, then it's on to penalty kicks. Five for each team. Let's hope that I know what I'm talking about.

____________________________________________________________________________________

4:26 pm: I suppose that I should have gone to the bathroom during this mini-break, eh?

4:28 pm: What are the chances that I'll see someone do the Macarena if they score a goal?

4:36 pm: A couple of scoring chances. I think. I could probably just say that and you'd believe me anyway, right?

4:38 pm: Everyone in the "important people box" at Soccer City Stadium is asleep right now.

4:42 pm: After 105 minutes, we are still tied. At zero. In the words of my friend Kris Pruette, "both teams are losing right now."

4:44 pm: Just in case you were not aware, this game is EEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNN VIVOOOOOOO!!! Thanks, Univision.

4:48 pm: And someone from Holland was ejected. Albeit rather in a shady way. Whatever! I want a goal!

4:51 pm: Anytime you can get the commentators to chuckle in the booth, you have to allow it. Right?

4:56 pm: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL ESPANA!!!! Andres Inesta!!!! Feels good to type that, actually.

4:59 pm: Oh my God, Spain might win this thing!

5:03 pm: AND THEY DID!!! The only team to ever win the World Cup after losing their fist game, La Furia Roja takes the 2010 World Cup! 1-0 over The Potheads Holland!!! Congrats!!! WAKE UP FROM YOUR SIESTA!

5:04 pm: No blowjobs for Bobbi Eden's followers, I suppose. Both teams played hard! See you on the blog EN VIVO in 2014!!!

Attack of the vuvuzelas! Spain vs. Holland, 1st half

You know the disclaimer by now. So, there we go!

And we're back! Enough with the pomp and circumstance, let's get it on!

2:27 pm: None of the players from Spain sang along with the national anthem. However, some from Holland did. So we're already giving Holland a bit of an edge.

2:28 pm: Wanna know what can drive a dog crazy? Three vuvuzelas being blown at once.

2:29 pm: The consensus from the ManZone: Holland coaches are dressed to impress. And Spain's coach didn't get the "Cold Coach Loses" memo.

2:30 pm: FIFA sure knows how to start on time. And I APPRECIATE THAT.

2:32 pm: The goal is to time my bathroom breaks with when a player decides to fall and whine on the ground.

2:34 pm: Well, here's some incentive for Holland to win, eh?

2:36 pm: And just like that, a golden chance for the Furious Red! Nice save by Holland's goalie!

2:38 pm: Just show a shot of a shit ton whole lot of people in Amsterdam watching the game on a big screen. One must wonder: What would it have been like if the U.S. had made the final?

2:41 pm: Not sure who was louder, us or the Univision announcers after David Villa's strike went on the side of the goal.

2:44 pm: In another "eternal battle," it's Nike (Holland) vs. Adidas (Spain). Two brands enter. Two brands still get super rich.

2:46 pm: Of all the bad hair here in the World Cup, Carles Puyol takes. The. Cake.

2:48 pm: Maybe Puyol's wife wants to follow his hair lead?

2:59 Epic technical issues going on with our television right now. I can't believe this.

3:06 pm: Eff you, DirecTV. The End.

3:12 pm: So. It's storming here. Which means that satellite is on strike. We may or may not be huddled up in my roommate's room watching the feed on this laptop, hooked up to her TV. Hooray technology!

3:17 pm: Well. In order to live blog, I can't actually "watch" the game right now. Let's hope that this storm blows over in the next 20 minutes.

Attack of the vuvuzelas! World Cup Blog EN VIVO (Spain vs. Holland--pregame)

As always, the opinions in this blog are only those of the author. But you'd be wise to feel the same way


After 30 days and a shit ton lots of games, we are finally here. It's the FIFA Copa Mundial, La Gran Final!!! Technically, we're about 45 minutes from the start of the match, we'll break this blog up into three parts. And there I go making promises. Let's get it on!

1:44 pm: We are EN VIVO from the 66.67% ManZone!!! Valid point from The Lady: "I really doubt that Mexicans eat KFC." Well said.

1:45 pm: If you can get Univision on your cable/satellite plan, I suggest you start watching as soon as possible. Mi Pecado is a telenovela (Spanish soap opera) that has the most epic opening sequence in television right now.

1:46 pm: Fernando Fiore looking festive with the purple shirt/tie in the studio! Somehow, they had some Russian looking guy that spoke Spanish. The world is a melting pot indeed.


1:51 pm: Did you know what the official mascot for the 2010 World Cup looked like? Well now you do.

1:54 pm: Our menu here at the Kinda ManZone today: Pizza, beer, margaritas, chips, and spinach dip. So, I will have a "legitimate excuse" for any misspellings or bad grammar.

1:55 pm: Actual game analysis: Spain has only lost two matches in the last year or so. Holland has won 25 in a row. It's a classic case of "something's gotta give!"

1:57 pm: Any time you can get Shakira to sing the opening theme for your sporting event, you have to do it, right? So...move over, Faith Hill!

2:00 pm: I used to have a dream of doing NFL games on CBS with Brett Favre. Now? I want to move to Spain and do soccer games there. Somebody wants an English speaking announcer for their games!!! Right?

2:04 pm: Thanks to the new Verizon Wireless commercicals, people will now think that their phone works ANY AND EVERY WHERE. Thanks, Marketing team!

2:07 pm: I will admit, I even thought aloud that Spain would not have made it this far. This should also show you how much I actually know about soccer.

2:12 pm: More proof that I don't know anything about soccer: I created a bracket group for the World Cup. Guess who didn't win?

2:15 pm: Fernando Fiore is excited about something. But then again, he's usually excited about everything.

2:16 pm: Still trying to figure out when Charles Crews was ever a great action hero. Even Michael Statham.

2:18 pm: In other news, I threw down $25 and got three vuvuzelas. It's going to be pretty loud in the house that (insert name here) built.

2:19 pm: Would have helped to know Spanish for when they just showed off the World Cup trophy just now. I'm guessing that a player from Italy (winners in 2006) was the one showing it off?

2:22 pm: So the players are about to come onto the field. Which means, this is it for the pre-game blog EN VIVO!! Stay tuned, more to come!

Oh, no he DIDN'T! (Obligatory LeBron thoughts)

As always, the opinions in this blog are only those of the author. But hey, it's not too terrible to think like me!

I know, I know, everything that could possibly be said about LeBron James' ascension into Hollywood Hulk Hogan status. As a matter of fact, you could probably find every single take on this process. There's mourning, disgust, and even straight up grenades being thrown via Twitter. But, I have yet to read any take on the basketball ramifications of this move. And, well, I'm not really going to give you too many details on that. Anyway, there are some definite winners and losers in this ordeal. Though, they might not seem as obvious as you think.

Winner: Chris Bosh

Let's get one thing straight here: Chris Bosh is not a superstar. As a matter of fact, everything you needed to know about the basketball credentials of the NBA's Predator suddenly proclaimed by many star can be summed up in this tweet. Lots of people are railing on LeBron for tagging along with Dwyane Wade. But don't forget that Bosh is basically doing the same thing. For you NBA watchers, did you ever see a case where the other team had to game plan around stopping Chris Bosh? As a matter of fact, would the casual sports fan even know who Bosh was before this week? I'm going to answer that for you: hell no.

Having said that, you have to believe that Bosh is coming up roses. He goes from Toronto (and a team named the Raptors---let's not debate on how playing basketball in Canada would be depressing enough) to a $100 million contract and tanned, scantily clad women in Miami. And by the way, he gets to play on a team with DWYANE WADE AND LEBRON JAMES. I suppose I would take that over Jose Calderon and Andrea Bargnani any day.

Winner: Stephen A. Smith and Chris Broussard
The former (has a morning show on Fox Sports Radio) is the one person who was adamantly saying that this was going to happen well before it actually did. Of course, since Stephen A. is quite possibly the most polarizing figure in sports media, no one really believed him. But hey, it was worth a shot to even make this up, I suppose. Throw it against the wall and see if it sticks, right? Anyway, now SAS must be believed for everything! OK, maybe that's taking this too far. But still, fortune favors the bold, and Stephen A. was as bold as it gets from the jump.

The latter works for ESPN, and did have the gusto to break the separate stories of Wade and Bosh joining the Heat two days before he broke that James was leaning toward the Heat. Of course, I refuse to believe any story that involves the word "sources," but hey, even a dead watch is right twice in a day. I had to suffer through Broussard's "Well I believe" and "It would make sense if..." statements for way too long, but it seems that this all paid off. Good work, Chris!

Loser: Anyone who watched ESPN this month.
Good God, what would have happened if the World Cup wasn't this year? I get the fact that this was the most talented class of free agents in recent memory. But to say that ESPN went overboard is putting it mildly. Hell, THEY EVEN DISCUSSED LEBRON JAMES ON UNIVISION. UNIVISION IS THE SPANISH LANGUAGE CHANNEL. YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!!! And if my memory serves me correctly, the last NBA "superstar" free agent to switch teams and lead that team to a title was...Shaquille O'Neal when he signed with the Lakers. You can look high and dry, but this stuff never really ends well.

But don't tell ESPN that. My God, they even had a "capologist" (Tom Penn) discussing possible salary cap ramifications of supposed moves. My estimate is that about .08 percent of ESPN's viewers gave half a shit about what Tom Penn was saying. This NBA free agency coverage made the Brett Favre watch seem enjoyable.

Loser: The city of Cleveland

I mean, of course, right? Of course, it's easy to burn a jersey. But then again, those puppies run at $70 each, so I wouldn't be so quick to set it ablaze. Anyway, the image that I can't get out of my head is the young blonde girl in a Cavs jersey, holding a beer and crying Thursday night. Of course, ESPN found it necessary to play that clip OVER AND OVER AGAIN. A female at my job just couldn't understand why people would be crying over this.

But hey, I get it. I'm an unabashed sports nutso. As fans, people take ownership of their teams and players. Throughout his entire career, LeBron always talked about how Ohio was the only thing he knew. He had his MVP press conferences in Akron. He has the area code for his hometown tattooed on his arm. For seven years, he was Cleveland. True fans HOLD on to stuff like this. So for him to go on national television and seemingly forget all of this? Le sigh. And if you consider that Cleveland fans have suffered through The Fumble, The Drive, the 97 World Series, and Jordan over Ehlo, I can't say I wouldn't cry either. Hell, my eyes well up when there's a good rendition of the national anthem before a game. I don't know how the Cavs will do this year. But they have the proverbial chip on their shoulders, and they have a solid, proven coach in Byron Scott. I kinda like their chances. Sleeper playoff team, anyone?

Winner: LeBron James
OK, so what if LeBron really isn't who we thought he was (or wanted him to be)? There is a prevailing thought that he's always wanted to be the guy who was just a part of the team, not THE guy on a team. So now he gets that. He can fly around and do the things that make us oooooh and ahhhh, all the while knowing that if necessary, Dwyane Wade gets to carry the team. Also, he gets to somehow avoid any hard questions about why he would leave a team that had the best record in the NBA the last two years. We're not here to talk about the past, right?

Loser: LeBron James
1. Who has a beard that doesn't connect with their mustache?
2. To say that the ESPN special was unnecessary is to tell your boozy friend that shot #12 isn't really needed. Um, no shit, Sherlock.
3. There is no more argument of who the best player in the NBA is. If you're tired of hearing the "Jordan/Kobe wouldn't do this" argument, then too bad. This is as much of a cop out as there could possibly be. Check the previous section: The Cleveland Cavaliers had THE BEST RECORD IN THE LEAGUE THE LAST TWO SEASONS. When things were going, they vanquished foes with ease. If you actually watched when they were eliminated against the Magic and Celtics in consecutive years, you will see that Cleveland lost because they didn't play well enough. That includes LeBron. So you jump out of town because of that? And concede that going to Miami is where you "have the best chance to win multiple championships?" So LeBron, why didn't you just TRY HARDER TO WIN WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE IN CLEVELAND? I will never understand this.
4. I mentioned Hollywood Hulk Hogan at the beginning of this post. The Bash at the Beach moment was when he "officially" went to the dark side. But this happened to be the same time when I actually started to like Hogan the wrestler. Of course, this comes with the disclaimer that nothing in professional wrestling is "real." But it's always refreshing to see when you really find out what an athlete/celebrity/etc. is about. This is what we found about LeBron James. Instead of actually trying to achieve the status of greatness that had seemingly been laid out before him, he decides to piggyback on someone else (and let's be honest, two ball-dominating perimeter players and a Predator solid big guy doesn't exactly equal multiple championships) for a chance at winning. Should we be happy that he's doing whatever it takes to win? No, because THIS ISN'T DOING WHAT IT TAKES TO WIN. Anyway, we've always known that Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant were always about winning. They would throw other people in front of a bus if it meant that they would win a game. We now definitely know that LeBron James is not in that same mold. And that is actually refreshing.

Winner: The Miami Heat

I mean, this one has to be obvious as well, right? Anytime you have the chance to upgrade from Michael Beasley to Chris Bosh, and Quentin Richardson to LeBron James...you HAVE to do it! And better yet, as this article by Brian Windhorst illustrates, this plan may have been in works for quite some time. Even with a rather modest cast of characters around Wade, the Heat won 47 games last year. You can assume that they would win at least ten more with James and Bosh. Also, Heat road games are suddenly the hottest ticket in town, so even opposing teams will get a boost from this. Now for additional basketball ramifications...you'll have to wait until we're closer to the season for that. Also, I really have no idea how this will turn out basketball-wise.

Of course, if you start to think about the fact that the Lakers (you know, the team who won the title) and Celtics (you know, the team that the Lakers beat to win the title) will be returning every major piece, and that the Chicago Bulls are adding pieces that actually complement each other, maybe all this talk of the Miami Heat being the team to beat will be all for naught (and no, I'm not buying Derek Fisher to Miami--child, please).

Thanks for reading through this, folks. I'll be back with lots of other posts to help you pass the time on the Internet! I think.