Delusional Fandom 101

I will go ahead and apologize for a couple of things:
1. I have been completely and utterly lazy when it comes to posting. I think I have had plenty to write about. Just not a lot of motivation for actually putting things down. I know that I only have two official followers, but I'd like to believe that people come and check this thing out from time to time. So I am sorry. I had good intentions, and very poor execution. And I may have stolen that from someone. Who knew?!?

2. If you are not into football, you may want to not read The Blacktooth Files for a while. Nothing really gives me a lot to talk about as much as football will. So please get ready. I plan to kick things off tonight with how I talked myself into a 10 win season for the Gamecocks. No, that's not a typo. You read it right, folks!!! Now obviously, this is all a best-case scenario situation. But still, allow me to take a look at things game-by-game:

-@North Carolina State: You never really know with first games. But allow me to throw the history book at you: the Gamecocks have yet to lose a season debut under Steve Spurrier. As a matter of fact, they have outscored their opponents by a score of 101-29. How about that stat?!? (Now, suspend reality here for a moment---I know that we played the likes of Louisiana-Lafayette and Central Florida. But stats are stats!) I feel like this will bode well. Also, North Carolina State + Thursday night=not a good result! WIN

-@Georgia: Honestly, this is the one I fear the most. Yes, Georgia lost Matthew Stafford and Knoshown Moreno. But Joe Cox is in the same situation that DJ Shockley encountered in 2005--the year Georgia won the SEC championship and ended up in the Sugar Bowl. But! Last time we were in Athens, we won. The past few games between both teams have been extremely close. I think enough balls bounce our way. WIN

-Florida Atlantic: Half of the FU (FAU/FIU) Pu Pu Platter. Home openers usually include enough juice from the home crowd to push the team through. Florida Atlantic has never beaten an SEC team. That may be a lie, but I'm too lazy to look it up. WIN

-Mississippi: Oh, stop it. Ole Miss is really the most overrated team going into this season. Sports Illustrated has them ranked sixth. SIXTH?!? Seriously? I would be OK with that...if there was one highlight of Jevean Snead throwing an accurate pass to a receiver in stride. Haven't seen it yet! Even when Houston Nutt had Darren McFadden and Felix Jones, he never finished in the top ten. Let's just say that I don't like their chances this year. WIN

-South Carolina State: If they lose this game, I would have to start my own riot. That would just be sad. I like the fact that we are playing an in-state team...but let's spice it up a little bit! Why can't we play them in Orangeburg? I feel like that would be more of a worthwhile game. You could guarantee a sellout there, really put on a show, get a nice halftime show from the band...a win-win for everyone. Especially us. WIN

-Kentucky: Do I really think we can start 5-0? Well Mr. Delusional says yes! We haven't lost at home to Kentucky in quite some time, at least not since 2001. So let's chalk another one up for the home team! And find ultra uncharted territory at 5-0. WIN

-@Alabama: I may or may not be running out of steam here. And I also may or may not be doing a fantasy football draft right now. Whatever. Still, while Nick Saban is indeed the Weasel of the South, he sure can build some solid college football teams! This isn't USC @ Alabama back in 1972. Not even close. LOSS

-Vanderbilt: It's revenge all the way here. Wait a minute, are you saying that we've lost two in a row to Vanderbilt?!!? Well, don't say that. As a matter of fact, if that is the first thought that popped up in your head, then you ARE NOT BEING DELUSIONAL RIGHT NOW. And therefore, you may want to seek the advice of people who are paid to talk about football. I think the fair will still be in town. And the Gamecocks do well when the fair is in town. (Please do not fact check me. I beg you!!) All the history is being thrown out of the window. Hello 6-1!!! Nice to see you again! WIN

-@Tennessee: Theme of the year: The Vols suck balls! By this point, Lane Kiffin won't even be able to get a job pumping gas. By the way...seriously, Rocky Top??? You run the coach who brought you a national title, Peyton Manning, an expanded stadium, and the greatest run since Robert Neyland himself out of town. For...Lane Kiffin? Who had never been a coach at any level, was 'on the staff' at USC...which was something that you could say for Ed Orgeron?? (how did that work out, Ole Miss?) Who tanked so badly in Oakland that Al Davis came back from the dead to talk shit about in a press conference?!!? And you want this guy to be your coach?? Stop it. Please. WIN BY 7000+

-@Arkansas: No Tryone Nix. No Darren McFadden. No Felix Jones. Probably no Bobby Petrino. I have a feeling that he will probably take six more jobs by the time this game rolls around. So yes, I like our chances here. WIN

-Florida: Well, I don't think the Gators are going to repeat as national champions. History shows that teams who are voted overwhelmingly number one at the start of the season don't end that way. That, and you may have some guys who will not want to go ALL OUT in order to protect their NFL hopes...and...maybe Tim Tebow will get malaria? Although this is highly unlikely since he is a cyborg. I think this has the possibility of being a close one...a la 2003 in Columbia. But...no cigar. We will be lucky to even SEE a cigar here. LOSS

-Clemson: Could we possibly go 3-1 in our Orange Crush? (Tennessee, Arkansas, Florida, Clemson) Well, it's never happened before. But hey, I've never been this delusional either!! And there's really no excuse for losing to a team who has a head coach by the name of Dabo...two years in a row. Folks...it's Black Magic all over again!!! Hello, Joe Morrison!!! This one's for you! WIN

So there you have it, folks. 10-2, with losses coming to Florida and Alabama. (That could send TBF on the road to the Sugar Bowl!) But let's be serious here, these were two teams who were ranked number one at some point last year. Mr. Delusional thinks we will be legendary, but not damn epic. In less than 1,000 words, I've probably talked you into believing in a 10-2 season too!!!

Just...don't watch this clip. Ever.