Attack of the vuvuzelas! World Cup Blog EN VIVO (Spain vs. Holland--pregame)

As always, the opinions in this blog are only those of the author. But you'd be wise to feel the same way


After 30 days and a shit ton lots of games, we are finally here. It's the FIFA Copa Mundial, La Gran Final!!! Technically, we're about 45 minutes from the start of the match, we'll break this blog up into three parts. And there I go making promises. Let's get it on!

1:44 pm: We are EN VIVO from the 66.67% ManZone!!! Valid point from The Lady: "I really doubt that Mexicans eat KFC." Well said.

1:45 pm: If you can get Univision on your cable/satellite plan, I suggest you start watching as soon as possible. Mi Pecado is a telenovela (Spanish soap opera) that has the most epic opening sequence in television right now.

1:46 pm: Fernando Fiore looking festive with the purple shirt/tie in the studio! Somehow, they had some Russian looking guy that spoke Spanish. The world is a melting pot indeed.


1:51 pm: Did you know what the official mascot for the 2010 World Cup looked like? Well now you do.

1:54 pm: Our menu here at the Kinda ManZone today: Pizza, beer, margaritas, chips, and spinach dip. So, I will have a "legitimate excuse" for any misspellings or bad grammar.

1:55 pm: Actual game analysis: Spain has only lost two matches in the last year or so. Holland has won 25 in a row. It's a classic case of "something's gotta give!"

1:57 pm: Any time you can get Shakira to sing the opening theme for your sporting event, you have to do it, right? So...move over, Faith Hill!

2:00 pm: I used to have a dream of doing NFL games on CBS with Brett Favre. Now? I want to move to Spain and do soccer games there. Somebody wants an English speaking announcer for their games!!! Right?

2:04 pm: Thanks to the new Verizon Wireless commercicals, people will now think that their phone works ANY AND EVERY WHERE. Thanks, Marketing team!

2:07 pm: I will admit, I even thought aloud that Spain would not have made it this far. This should also show you how much I actually know about soccer.

2:12 pm: More proof that I don't know anything about soccer: I created a bracket group for the World Cup. Guess who didn't win?

2:15 pm: Fernando Fiore is excited about something. But then again, he's usually excited about everything.

2:16 pm: Still trying to figure out when Charles Crews was ever a great action hero. Even Michael Statham.

2:18 pm: In other news, I threw down $25 and got three vuvuzelas. It's going to be pretty loud in the house that (insert name here) built.

2:19 pm: Would have helped to know Spanish for when they just showed off the World Cup trophy just now. I'm guessing that a player from Italy (winners in 2006) was the one showing it off?

2:22 pm: So the players are about to come onto the field. Which means, this is it for the pre-game blog EN VIVO!! Stay tuned, more to come!

GOOOOOLLLL!!! World Cup Blog EN VIVO: USA vs. Ghana

For you first time readers, please be advised that the opinions in this blog are only those of the author. However, they may be endorsed by this guy



And we are EN VIVO at the 66.67% ManZone! It's the USA vs. Ghana in a "win or go home" Round of 16 game at the World Cup. Without further ado, let's get it on!

2:26 pm: The Star Spangled Banner never fails to get me fired up. Though I have to think that the players not singing along just don't know the words.

2:27 pm: Your Univision broadcast team today is Jorge Perez-Navarro and Jose Luis Chilavert. Probably the first time I remember two announcers with three names!

2:28 pm: The goalie for Ghana is Richard Kingson. I wonder: can he make harpsichords by hand?

2:30 pm: And we're off! I guess. Ghana in red with yellow stripes, the U.S. rocking all white. Which is ironic, since this country is full of sluts.

2:34 pm: Tim Howard sure does a lot of yelling at his teammates. I suppose as long as your name is not "Terrell Owens," that's OK.

2:35 pm: For all that yelling, he sure likes to ALLOW GOALS. GOOOOOLLLLLL GHANA. Kevin Prince-Boateng. More guys with three names!

2:38 pm: Unfortunately, I can't find a picture. But Prince does have a neck tattoo. I thought it was illegal to play soccer if you had one of those?

2:39 pm: In the "o ye of little faith" department, the masses on Twitter are already playing the blame game. I'd like to blame....Ryan Seacrest. It just feels right.

2:41 pm: Bill Clinton and Mick Jagger chumming it up. I suppose there aren't any women for Bill to prey on. For now.

2:43 pm: Random, somewhat relevant tweet: "Oh, and huge props to Shana's uniforms. It's hard to pull of red and yellow since McDonald's kind of ruined it for everybody." From @bruce_arthur

2:46 pm: Seems that Bob Bradley has yet to be informed of the "cold coach loses" theory. He'll learn.

2:49 pm: Quick question: Has the U.S. even had the ball yet? Is the plan to "let Ghana get tired and then, BAM"? As a fan of South Carolina football, let me tell you that this plan does not work.

2:52 pm: A couple of chances there in the "Ghana box" for the U.S. So, um, that's promising, no?

2:57 pm: I may or may not be fighting off a nap here. Let it be known now: Soccer is not the easiest thing to keep up with.

2:59 pm: Also participating in this blog EN VIVO: My girlfriend and the world's greatest dog. The latter of which you can follow on Twitter. Yes, you read that correctly.

3:01 pm: Good God, is that Maurice Edu's music?!!? IT CAN'T---oh wait, just vuvuzelas.

3:04 pm: I go to get something to drink, and the U.S. gets two scoring chances?!!? Maybe this blog should be done from the kitchen?

3:08 pm: They have mentioned Richard Kingson's name often. At least he's had to break a sweat, I reckon.

3:10 pm: Is it still manly to say that these slow motion replays are...breathtaking?

3:15 pm: This may just be from lack of understanding, but it sure seems like these guys like to fall all over the place.

3:16 pm: First half over. Ghana is up 1-0. My girlfriend may or may not be snoring away right now, and I think the dog ran away. But hey, soccer is CAPTIVATING AMERICA!

GOOOOOAAAALLLL!!! (World Cup LIVE-2nd half)

11:07 am: I didn't even get a chance to use the bathroom! Soccer moves too fast for me!

11:08 am: Welcome back to the 66.67% ManZone for the opening match of the World Cup! If you missed anything, here's a recap of the first half.

11:09 am: For those of you just joining us, Mexico pretty much dominated the first half. However, since there were no goals* scored, we're all tied at nil.

*The no goal was highly disputed since video evidence showed that C Valdez was not offsides. Damn you, technology!

11:11 am: You would have to think at some point, the South African fans would get tired of blowing those vuvuzelas.

11:12 am: ESPN's play-by-play guy throwing out "I saw the Mexicans play in England at Wembley earlier this year..." like we should know what he's talking about! Thankfully, that's what I'm here for.

11:16 am: For those of you wondering, it's currently 5:16 pm in Soccer City. In other words, they're in the HEART of Happy Hour!

11:17 am: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL South Africa! Siphiwe Tshabalala!!!! And...did they just do the Macarena?

11:20 am: Suddenly feeling great about picking South Africa to make it out of the group stage in my bracket!!

11:22 am: FanTAStic hand save, and a beauty by Zhune!

11:23 am: By the way, this game is also available in ESPN 3D. Hope you're enjoying the game on your expensive TV while wearing your funky glasses, wherever you are.

11:26 am: Fortunately, it kind of sounds like they're pronouncing the goal scorer's name as "Tralalala." Which brings this classic song to mind.

11:32 am: Actual soccer analysis: It's obvious that South Africa is just a second half team! Of course!

11:34 am: Oh wait, I don't hear the vuvuzelas anymore! Oh wait...I muted the TV.

11:36 am: Via Facebook Chat, a reader is always blaming the refs. Sounds like a Laker fan! (Too soon?)

11:40 am: Speaking of the NBA, here's a quote from last night's hero: "When you're in the moment, you're in the moment. So whether I slobber, snot, spit...please excuse me." Um...thanks, Glen Davis?

11:40 am: GGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL Mexico!!!! Rafa Marquez! 1-1 now! And no more vuvzelas! Piggyback rides FOR THE WIN!

11:41 am: We're 81 minutes in, and NOW WE HAVE D-R-A-M-A.

11:44 am: Vice President Joe Biden is IN THE BUILDING. Apparently, the World Cup is also a big fucking deal for him.

11:46 am: Fun facts: This is the 19th World Cup ever. And it's still the world's most watched sporting event. Take that, Super Bowl!

11:50 am: Play-by-play guy just used the term "party poopers" to describe Mexico.

11:51 am: Well, "killer" for South Africa just killed...the post. Le sigh.

11:55 am: And we end in a tie. The host nation has never lost the opening game. And that tradition continues. Meanwhile, Jim Nantz and Peter King are screaming for overtime.

11:56 am: What a whirlwind game! Seems like the game picked up quite a bit toward the end. Lots of noise, piggyback rides and cheesy dances. I couldn't be more pleased.

Thanks for reading this LIVE blog! This was pretty fun. I'll have to see about doing a few more of these throughout the tournament. Until next time, folks!

GOOOOOOALLLLLLLLL!!! (World Cup LIVE Blog)

As always, the opinions in this blog are only those of the author. Let's be honest, do you really want to think like me anyway?

I've always, always, always (times 43) wanted to do a a live blog. Well, what better time than the first ever World Cup on the African continent? Obviously, this is a dry run. I do hope that you don't actually try to fact check any of the stuff I will say for the next 45ish minutes. Anyway, in the words of Mills Lane, "Let's get it on!"

All times EST

10:01 am: We are LIVE from the 66.67% ManZone! It's mid-winter in South Africa. And I guarantee that none of these guys will be complaining about the weather. (This justifies the NFL doing the Super Bowl in New York*)

*Just keep in mind that the game is actually in New Jersey. Which is a problem

10:03 am: Quick recap of the opening ceremonies: Some guy at a microphone saying, "Blah blah blah blah South Africa!" And the crowd cheered.

10:05 am: And away we go! Here's hoping that fellow blogger Katie Williams is able to watch the game on ESPN 3 at work!

10:08 am: Live blogging is hard! Mexico may be used to high altitudes and large crowds, but are they used to the really annoying horn the fans are blowing? I know I'm already frazzled.

10:09 am: I think having foreign announcers makes it just feel more epic. Maybe they should try this for the WNBA...

10:13 am: For those of you wondering what FIFA stands for, it's the International Federation of Association Football. Which just sounds dumb. Disclaimer!

10:15 am: Mexico rocking the festive(?) all black uniforms. Perhaps they don't know how this never worked out for these guys. I'm not bitter.

10:17 am: And now, my roommate brings some Twilight commentary: "Bella is the anti-vampire." This commentary brought to you by Geico!

10:18 am: "The officials are trigger happy..." But they only hold the card up in the air?

10:21 am: You may be disappointed to know that the vuvuzela noise will not. Die. Down. At. All.

10:22 am: I've discovered that it's nearly impossible to read the lips of these guys when they're arguing. So I will just go with this commentary: "CURSES TO YOUR MOTHER!"

10:24 am: One saving grace for soccer: The game clock continues to run. No timeouts, even TV ones (until the half ends). You can't begin to understand how amazing this is.

10:30 am: Am I wrong for rooting for Mexico since their coach is dressed to the nines? Should I even disclose this information on this live blog?

10:35 am: I suppose this is a win for Verizon Wireless: The game on my phone is "more" live than it is on the TV. Droid does on the nation's largest 3G network! (I should stop being such a homer)

10:38 am: More commentary from the roommate: "It's nice to know that there's a 12 year old and a 48 year old on the team." Very well then.

10:39 am: Some actual soccer analysis: Scoring chances at the 35 minute mark look a little something like this:

Mexico-58765

South Africa-3

(Tim McCarver would say that this is a little one sided, but just barely)

10:42 am: First official creepy lick of the lips by a South African player. At the 38 minute mark! Now we're gettin raunchy.

10:43 am: A GOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLL that wasn't. Mexican player (C. Vela) called offsides. But the replay shows that he wasn't! Hooray conspiracy!

10:45 am: The announcers are even classy when criticizing the officials. Take that, Hawk Harrelson!

10:47 am: Off the cuff analysis: I bet the South African guy would have scored...if he didn't have a mohawk. (Burn!)

10:51 am: Ye gods, this first half just BLEW by! And there were no A-Team promos. We're already making the world a better place!

And THAT is the END of the first half! Stay tuned for Part 2 of the LIVE World Cup Blog from the 66.67% ManZone!!