GOOOOOOALLLLLLLLL!!! (World Cup LIVE Blog)

As always, the opinions in this blog are only those of the author. Let's be honest, do you really want to think like me anyway?

I've always, always, always (times 43) wanted to do a a live blog. Well, what better time than the first ever World Cup on the African continent? Obviously, this is a dry run. I do hope that you don't actually try to fact check any of the stuff I will say for the next 45ish minutes. Anyway, in the words of Mills Lane, "Let's get it on!"

All times EST

10:01 am: We are LIVE from the 66.67% ManZone! It's mid-winter in South Africa. And I guarantee that none of these guys will be complaining about the weather. (This justifies the NFL doing the Super Bowl in New York*)

*Just keep in mind that the game is actually in New Jersey. Which is a problem

10:03 am: Quick recap of the opening ceremonies: Some guy at a microphone saying, "Blah blah blah blah South Africa!" And the crowd cheered.

10:05 am: And away we go! Here's hoping that fellow blogger Katie Williams is able to watch the game on ESPN 3 at work!

10:08 am: Live blogging is hard! Mexico may be used to high altitudes and large crowds, but are they used to the really annoying horn the fans are blowing? I know I'm already frazzled.

10:09 am: I think having foreign announcers makes it just feel more epic. Maybe they should try this for the WNBA...

10:13 am: For those of you wondering what FIFA stands for, it's the International Federation of Association Football. Which just sounds dumb. Disclaimer!

10:15 am: Mexico rocking the festive(?) all black uniforms. Perhaps they don't know how this never worked out for these guys. I'm not bitter.

10:17 am: And now, my roommate brings some Twilight commentary: "Bella is the anti-vampire." This commentary brought to you by Geico!

10:18 am: "The officials are trigger happy..." But they only hold the card up in the air?

10:21 am: You may be disappointed to know that the vuvuzela noise will not. Die. Down. At. All.

10:22 am: I've discovered that it's nearly impossible to read the lips of these guys when they're arguing. So I will just go with this commentary: "CURSES TO YOUR MOTHER!"

10:24 am: One saving grace for soccer: The game clock continues to run. No timeouts, even TV ones (until the half ends). You can't begin to understand how amazing this is.

10:30 am: Am I wrong for rooting for Mexico since their coach is dressed to the nines? Should I even disclose this information on this live blog?

10:35 am: I suppose this is a win for Verizon Wireless: The game on my phone is "more" live than it is on the TV. Droid does on the nation's largest 3G network! (I should stop being such a homer)

10:38 am: More commentary from the roommate: "It's nice to know that there's a 12 year old and a 48 year old on the team." Very well then.

10:39 am: Some actual soccer analysis: Scoring chances at the 35 minute mark look a little something like this:

Mexico-58765

South Africa-3

(Tim McCarver would say that this is a little one sided, but just barely)

10:42 am: First official creepy lick of the lips by a South African player. At the 38 minute mark! Now we're gettin raunchy.

10:43 am: A GOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLL that wasn't. Mexican player (C. Vela) called offsides. But the replay shows that he wasn't! Hooray conspiracy!

10:45 am: The announcers are even classy when criticizing the officials. Take that, Hawk Harrelson!

10:47 am: Off the cuff analysis: I bet the South African guy would have scored...if he didn't have a mohawk. (Burn!)

10:51 am: Ye gods, this first half just BLEW by! And there were no A-Team promos. We're already making the world a better place!

And THAT is the END of the first half! Stay tuned for Part 2 of the LIVE World Cup Blog from the 66.67% ManZone!!