Oh, no he DIDN'T! (Obligatory LeBron thoughts)

As always, the opinions in this blog are only those of the author. But hey, it's not too terrible to think like me!

I know, I know, everything that could possibly be said about LeBron James' ascension into Hollywood Hulk Hogan status. As a matter of fact, you could probably find every single take on this process. There's mourning, disgust, and even straight up grenades being thrown via Twitter. But, I have yet to read any take on the basketball ramifications of this move. And, well, I'm not really going to give you too many details on that. Anyway, there are some definite winners and losers in this ordeal. Though, they might not seem as obvious as you think.

Winner: Chris Bosh

Let's get one thing straight here: Chris Bosh is not a superstar. As a matter of fact, everything you needed to know about the basketball credentials of the NBA's Predator suddenly proclaimed by many star can be summed up in this tweet. Lots of people are railing on LeBron for tagging along with Dwyane Wade. But don't forget that Bosh is basically doing the same thing. For you NBA watchers, did you ever see a case where the other team had to game plan around stopping Chris Bosh? As a matter of fact, would the casual sports fan even know who Bosh was before this week? I'm going to answer that for you: hell no.

Having said that, you have to believe that Bosh is coming up roses. He goes from Toronto (and a team named the Raptors---let's not debate on how playing basketball in Canada would be depressing enough) to a $100 million contract and tanned, scantily clad women in Miami. And by the way, he gets to play on a team with DWYANE WADE AND LEBRON JAMES. I suppose I would take that over Jose Calderon and Andrea Bargnani any day.

Winner: Stephen A. Smith and Chris Broussard
The former (has a morning show on Fox Sports Radio) is the one person who was adamantly saying that this was going to happen well before it actually did. Of course, since Stephen A. is quite possibly the most polarizing figure in sports media, no one really believed him. But hey, it was worth a shot to even make this up, I suppose. Throw it against the wall and see if it sticks, right? Anyway, now SAS must be believed for everything! OK, maybe that's taking this too far. But still, fortune favors the bold, and Stephen A. was as bold as it gets from the jump.

The latter works for ESPN, and did have the gusto to break the separate stories of Wade and Bosh joining the Heat two days before he broke that James was leaning toward the Heat. Of course, I refuse to believe any story that involves the word "sources," but hey, even a dead watch is right twice in a day. I had to suffer through Broussard's "Well I believe" and "It would make sense if..." statements for way too long, but it seems that this all paid off. Good work, Chris!

Loser: Anyone who watched ESPN this month.
Good God, what would have happened if the World Cup wasn't this year? I get the fact that this was the most talented class of free agents in recent memory. But to say that ESPN went overboard is putting it mildly. Hell, THEY EVEN DISCUSSED LEBRON JAMES ON UNIVISION. UNIVISION IS THE SPANISH LANGUAGE CHANNEL. YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!!! And if my memory serves me correctly, the last NBA "superstar" free agent to switch teams and lead that team to a title was...Shaquille O'Neal when he signed with the Lakers. You can look high and dry, but this stuff never really ends well.

But don't tell ESPN that. My God, they even had a "capologist" (Tom Penn) discussing possible salary cap ramifications of supposed moves. My estimate is that about .08 percent of ESPN's viewers gave half a shit about what Tom Penn was saying. This NBA free agency coverage made the Brett Favre watch seem enjoyable.

Loser: The city of Cleveland

I mean, of course, right? Of course, it's easy to burn a jersey. But then again, those puppies run at $70 each, so I wouldn't be so quick to set it ablaze. Anyway, the image that I can't get out of my head is the young blonde girl in a Cavs jersey, holding a beer and crying Thursday night. Of course, ESPN found it necessary to play that clip OVER AND OVER AGAIN. A female at my job just couldn't understand why people would be crying over this.

But hey, I get it. I'm an unabashed sports nutso. As fans, people take ownership of their teams and players. Throughout his entire career, LeBron always talked about how Ohio was the only thing he knew. He had his MVP press conferences in Akron. He has the area code for his hometown tattooed on his arm. For seven years, he was Cleveland. True fans HOLD on to stuff like this. So for him to go on national television and seemingly forget all of this? Le sigh. And if you consider that Cleveland fans have suffered through The Fumble, The Drive, the 97 World Series, and Jordan over Ehlo, I can't say I wouldn't cry either. Hell, my eyes well up when there's a good rendition of the national anthem before a game. I don't know how the Cavs will do this year. But they have the proverbial chip on their shoulders, and they have a solid, proven coach in Byron Scott. I kinda like their chances. Sleeper playoff team, anyone?

Winner: LeBron James
OK, so what if LeBron really isn't who we thought he was (or wanted him to be)? There is a prevailing thought that he's always wanted to be the guy who was just a part of the team, not THE guy on a team. So now he gets that. He can fly around and do the things that make us oooooh and ahhhh, all the while knowing that if necessary, Dwyane Wade gets to carry the team. Also, he gets to somehow avoid any hard questions about why he would leave a team that had the best record in the NBA the last two years. We're not here to talk about the past, right?

Loser: LeBron James
1. Who has a beard that doesn't connect with their mustache?
2. To say that the ESPN special was unnecessary is to tell your boozy friend that shot #12 isn't really needed. Um, no shit, Sherlock.
3. There is no more argument of who the best player in the NBA is. If you're tired of hearing the "Jordan/Kobe wouldn't do this" argument, then too bad. This is as much of a cop out as there could possibly be. Check the previous section: The Cleveland Cavaliers had THE BEST RECORD IN THE LEAGUE THE LAST TWO SEASONS. When things were going, they vanquished foes with ease. If you actually watched when they were eliminated against the Magic and Celtics in consecutive years, you will see that Cleveland lost because they didn't play well enough. That includes LeBron. So you jump out of town because of that? And concede that going to Miami is where you "have the best chance to win multiple championships?" So LeBron, why didn't you just TRY HARDER TO WIN WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE IN CLEVELAND? I will never understand this.
4. I mentioned Hollywood Hulk Hogan at the beginning of this post. The Bash at the Beach moment was when he "officially" went to the dark side. But this happened to be the same time when I actually started to like Hogan the wrestler. Of course, this comes with the disclaimer that nothing in professional wrestling is "real." But it's always refreshing to see when you really find out what an athlete/celebrity/etc. is about. This is what we found about LeBron James. Instead of actually trying to achieve the status of greatness that had seemingly been laid out before him, he decides to piggyback on someone else (and let's be honest, two ball-dominating perimeter players and a Predator solid big guy doesn't exactly equal multiple championships) for a chance at winning. Should we be happy that he's doing whatever it takes to win? No, because THIS ISN'T DOING WHAT IT TAKES TO WIN. Anyway, we've always known that Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant were always about winning. They would throw other people in front of a bus if it meant that they would win a game. We now definitely know that LeBron James is not in that same mold. And that is actually refreshing.

Winner: The Miami Heat

I mean, this one has to be obvious as well, right? Anytime you have the chance to upgrade from Michael Beasley to Chris Bosh, and Quentin Richardson to LeBron James...you HAVE to do it! And better yet, as this article by Brian Windhorst illustrates, this plan may have been in works for quite some time. Even with a rather modest cast of characters around Wade, the Heat won 47 games last year. You can assume that they would win at least ten more with James and Bosh. Also, Heat road games are suddenly the hottest ticket in town, so even opposing teams will get a boost from this. Now for additional basketball ramifications...you'll have to wait until we're closer to the season for that. Also, I really have no idea how this will turn out basketball-wise.

Of course, if you start to think about the fact that the Lakers (you know, the team who won the title) and Celtics (you know, the team that the Lakers beat to win the title) will be returning every major piece, and that the Chicago Bulls are adding pieces that actually complement each other, maybe all this talk of the Miami Heat being the team to beat will be all for naught (and no, I'm not buying Derek Fisher to Miami--child, please).

Thanks for reading through this, folks. I'll be back with lots of other posts to help you pass the time on the Internet! I think.